Monday, April 11, 2011

Ode To Blogger

Some people think I have a grudge against Blogger cuz they spanked my blog.  Twice.  But I’m a bigger person than that. And to show it I wrote a poem dedicated to my friend Blogger.  You guys didn’t know I had a warm soft side did you?
If Blogger were a song I’d sing it loud all day long.
If Blogger were a wine it would be a cabernet.  Because I don’t like red.   
If Blogger were a woman, I would make long passionate love to her.  And when the neighbors weren’t looking I’d beat her because she just doesn’t understand.
If my beloved Blogger were a meadow I would run barefoot to feel her soft grass on my toes.  Then I’d pull out my dick and piss on the grass and watch it turn yellow.
If Blogger was a beer I would guzzle it down with my friends, then go out for Chinese and puke it up in chunks.
If Blogger were a goldfish I would watch it swim effortlessly in a bowl.  And when it started to smell or I just got bored with it I’d take it to the aquarium where the pirhona are on display.
If my beautiful Blogger were a star in the sky I would watch it twinkle above me as I admired it’s timeless beauty.  Then I’d spend $54.95 for its naming rights and name it ‘diarrhea’. 
If Blogger were the wind I’d stand naked in it and feel its glory until I farted in it and stunk it all up. 
If Blogger were a kitten I’d put it in my lap and gently stroke its fur.  And when it started purring I’d pull its tail till it clawed me, then I’d throw it against the wall and claim self defense.

But no, my Blogger is none of those things. It’s a friend.  A backstabbing, self righteous friend that I will love and nurture until it arbitrarily cancels my blog again.  Which after this posting will likely be in the next few hours. 

17 comments:

  1. That is a nice poem man. I just hope they didn't do that again for this. It ok to say what we think and what you said is right so, head up my friend and we're proud of you.

    Yves

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  2. I stopped at puking Chinese food up in chunks.
    bj.

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  3. aww that poor lil kitten... but i think the pirana would have like that better than the goldfish?

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  4. You are one funny son of a bitch!

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  5. love your new poster boy. is that your grandson?
    lmfao.
    cheers!

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  6. You have to be a writer on SNL. If you're not you should be.

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  7. Great Ode, Scotty! Love the picture you posted for it too. Now be honest with your homeboys here: It's you, right? ;-)

    Good to have you back!

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  8. Rugbysex I'm confused. You're Scott's friend, right???

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  9. LMNAO.....GREAT poem Scott!!! Great pic too! If Rugnysex is Scott;s right hand, then Rugbysex gets to feel that cock and we all envy him!!!

    DP

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  10. Hey, real friends tell it like it is. So, where's the warm soft side? For me, the warm soft side of that shaft in the picture is what got me.
    If Blogger were that cock, I would suck it night and day.
    If Blogger were that cock I would suck it cum what may.
    If Blogger were that cock I would stroke it with my hand.
    If Blogger were that cock I would stroke it hard and grand.
    If Blogger were that cock I would suck it like a game.
    If Blogger were that cock I would suck it til it came.
    If Blogger were that cock I would lick that gorgeous body.
    If Blogger were that cock I would fuck it like it was Scotty.

    Cheers, MM

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  11. Farts, vomit, diarrhea, animal slaughter and female abuse. Hmmmm, Scott, I'd suggest you release the anger but I'm afraid your Maid would fucking croak.

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  12. Opps, forgot the best part. I'm gonna get down on my knees, stick out my hands and orally pray to that rock hard pillar of a cock that you learn to back-up your blog.

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  13. @8:00 p.m.,
    it's cool brother. in case you haven't noticed, scott and i love to goof on one another. i think scott's already noted that when push came to shove, i was there to protect his back. i don't know how you play it brother, but i only spank the guy's i love the most. besides, scott LOVES to be spanked.
    cheers!

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  14. yo DP,
    sorry bro, i ain't scott's right hand, his right foot, his right anything. i'm just like you...nothing more or less. i can tell you this much though...scott doesn't use his hand...he uses a tweezers. LOL.
    cheers!

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  15. Don't know, don't care what the post is about, all I care about is how I can get those egg shaped balls in my mouth...

    Just came from the gym and horny as hell, CL, here I "cum"....

    SJ

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  16. just found your blog today love it :) but i hate blogger grrrrr but i too opened my new blog on blogger lol

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