Some people think I have a grudge against Blogger cuz they spanked my blog.Twice.But I’m a bigger person than that. And to show it I wrote a poem dedicated to my friend Blogger.You guys didn’t know I had a warm soft side did you?
If Blogger were a song I’d sing it loud all day long.
If Blogger were a wine it would be a cabernet.Because I don’t like red.
If Blogger were a woman, I would make long passionate love to her.And when the neighbors weren’t looking I’d beat her because she just doesn’t understand.
If my beloved Blogger were a meadow I would run barefoot to feel her soft grass on my toes.Then I’d pull out my dick and piss on the grass and watch it turn yellow.
If Blogger was a beer I would guzzle it down with my friends, then go out for Chinese and puke it up in chunks.
If Blogger were a goldfish I would watch it swim effortlessly in a bowl.And when it started to smell or I just got bored with it I’d take it to the aquarium where the pirhona are on display.
If my beautiful Blogger were a star in the sky I would watch it twinkle above me as I admired it’s timeless beauty.Then I’d spend $54.95 for its naming rights and name it ‘diarrhea’.
If Blogger were the wind I’d stand naked in it and feel its glory until I farted in it and stunk it all up.
If Blogger were a kitten I’d put it in my lap and gently stroke its fur.And when it started purring I’d pull its tail till it clawed me, then I’d throw it against the wall and claim self defense.
But no, my Blogger is none of those things. It’s a friend.A backstabbing, self righteous friend that I will love and nurture until it arbitrarily cancels my blog again.Which after this posting will likely be in the next few hours.