Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Why Don’t I Try To Have More Sex With Guys

So I did a post (Chick Magnate) that got a lot of chatter. One comment asked a question like “Why don’t you just go out and fuck or get fucked already?”.  Good question.  So I’m gonna give you a look inside the curious guys mind to explain the answer. It doesn’t have anything to do with labels. I could line up 7 guys at a bar to stick it to me in the ass but I wouldn’t label myself as gay (although I’d have a hard time convincing anyone I was straight either lol). But ya I admit when I started blogging I looked at butt fucking as a gay thing. I don’t so much now. But I think I’m pretty much past the label thing. But here’s the deal.  I got a family that I’m pretty fuckin committed to.  I got these fucked up urges that break through sometimes but I don’t want them to take hold of my freakin life. Look, 5 yrs ago I never did anything with a guy, so in the past 5 yrs I’ve done stuff I never thought I’d do. And I’m good with that. It doesn’t mean I’m gonna keep going till I’m affectionately known around town as Scott-The-Cum-Guzzling-Homo.  It means I gotta take things at my own pace.
Straight guys chime in here if I’m off base. 

31 comments:

  1. Vous êtes un homme de bien charlie brown.
    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with you 100% my friend, take it at your own pace. You have a family to take care of and that comes first, the rest is just extra. When you want to do stuff, you just go and get it and take care of the urge. Have a good day man.

    Yves.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey rugbysex, you speak french man.

    Yves

    ReplyDelete
  4. Scott

    It took me years and years to get to the point of fucking with guys partly due to some reluctance at accepting and being confused by wanting to be with a guy, partly because of safety and mostly finding a guy that I was comfortable enough taking a deep dive. Oral sex and making out was less complicated, easier to maneuver and didn't require a place. My wife can't tolerate the pill, so I have always had to use a rubber with her which made the safety thing easier. Point is, there is a progression both physically and emotionally for bi guys that is different than hetero or gay. Rushing it would be a big mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Scott -
    Sounds like me and lots of other guys.
    I'd luv to connect with a guy or guys everyday (hell, once a week would even be great!) But I have made that deal in my own minds that my family still takes top priority followed staying fit and healthy, and my job. Add to that the need to find a guy with a place or the hour drive to the bathhouse. So, no I don't have guy-sex as much as I would like, but it is a conscious decision. But I am also not ready to give it up. I do like dick; I actually like it way more then pussy. But I am where I am now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. mais bien sur mon pauvre petit yves. i be BI-lingual. actually, TRI-lingual. that means i'll lick anyone or anything...even scott. LOL.
    cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  7. dead nuts on Scott

    ReplyDelete
  8. Scott,
    Commitments are beautiful. I believe it's the foundation for everything that's good. You're a man to be admired.
    bj.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bi guys just are not the same as gay guys. I can resist hooking up pretty easy because I do have a wife and family. I would still fantasize about guys but I have resisted for decades so the committment takes priority.
    I think it is a lot of work to hook up with a guy to find a place, be safe and then find somebody you are actually attracted to so the urge has to be overwhelming before you take the step.
    I do also think that if you are attracted to guys and girls physically, you are bi not straight.
    KCGUY

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your the one calling the shots and you shouldn't do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. At some point you will want to take a measured risk and push the envelope to the next stage of what ever the hell you call this. In the mean time we'll just tease you and tell you that from what I've read of your blog, it you ever when "whole hog" into this you would so much be a bottom.

    Consider it more of a fetish, and bring it up with the wife, you never know, you might find yourself buying your wife a strap-on to use on you. Work the conversation so that she thinks its her idea, and your just going along with it, but she'll probably know it was your idea all along.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Scott. You are the voice of the curious man in every way. Kudos my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think you are completely correct, Scott. I also think anything we can imagine is going to be way better than the reality. So, there is that wall between fantasy and reality that keeps me from doing any more than I already have.

    Finally, as I have said before (either here or at TGK), I made my choices and commitments a long time ago. I may have even made them for all the wrong reasons but that is my burden; certainly not my wife's and kids' burden.

    Sometimes I wonder if I would do it differently if I could and my honest answer is, "I don't know." When I think about all the people who would not be in my life simply because I would not have a wife and kids, I couldn't bear it. So I made my bead and I will lay in it, gratefully. And, I will continue to remind myself that these are people for whom I would die. It makes everything else trivial after that.

    (Of course, I also indulge is self pity lest anyone think I have the "game" figured out.)
    Celt

    ReplyDelete
  13. dammit! "so I made my bed..." not "bead". I suck at proof reading too.
    Celt

    ReplyDelete
  14. Nothing you've said is off base, Scott. On fact, I think you pretty much nailed it!
    I had plenty of dick after the first wife; yet I met and married a wonderful woman. We've been married for 25 years now and actually I couldn't be happier.
    Yep, I sure do get the urge to go off and play with a cock from time to time. I found a jack-off group serves the purpose quite well. Tho, if I was to meet a guy who would be a BFF-FWB it would be perfect; but as you've said, not at the expense of my family.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It seems like most of us agree here, Scott...FAMILY FIRST! One of the reasons for your popularity is that so many of us are happily married but wonder about cock. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT but it is dangerous when you act out the fantasy. I am no longer married and I enjoy cock but I can also see myself giving it up. I used to say everybody was bi but I have since eschewed all labeling!

    DP

    ReplyDelete
  16. OldBob says...

    I think a lot of guys urge you to go ahead and go all the way because they view all of your explorations as foreplay and are aching for that orgasm of somebody popping your cherry. Just keep edging them. Satisfying the crowd, even this crowd, is not a reason to go out and get fucked. I figure you'll do it when you want to, which is maybe never, and I'll still like reading your blog for as long as blogger leaves it up. Doggrel poetry and all.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Scott
    You are doing the right thing to stay in your comfort zone and so many readers who are like you have given you a sense of where this might lead - but concur that it is your exploration pace that you have to take. By coincidence a new UCLA study was released that says among other things, that among men and women in the US who do not define themselves as GLBT, 10% have had sex with someone of the same gender, and 11% have same sex attractions. That is a whooping 21% of the adult population - and other research suggests is a larger percentage of men and lower percentage of women. So get this, that means there are over 25 MILLION adults in the US like you - not self defined as gay or even bi but feeling the urges or trying things out.

    Hey buddy, no wonder you are getting a big crowd. Just don't feel crazy or alone as you try out some stuff in your mind or with a real guy from time to time. And look around you, one out of every 5 guys in that group you are in could be just like you on the inside!!

    You are so honest with us in posts like this Scott - thanks and go for what you need and want and don't pay attention to those who want to push ypu past your boundaries too fast.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Gay, bi, str8, what ever. Fact of the matter is when your married you have obligations to the choices you' ve made. Family comes first. What kind of man would we be if we all just decided to walk away just for a piece of ass? You have to live with yourself.

    That's really what this blog is about. This is Scotts way of expressing his desires, but at the same time repressing them so that he don't act on them. Pretty brilliant actually.

    So glad to have you back Scott, and the forum that you give to us, thanx man.

    Peace guys.

    ReplyDelete
  19. amtop 9.39
    Question for you. Have you had your wife use a dildo on you? Since you are suggesting one, I'm wondering if you have used one, even without one wearing it?
    Thanks,
    bj.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey brother jaysonstreet,
    Good advice my friend. Scott...shut up and listen. I'll keep this under 20 words...well almost. Jay, if you're talking about the UCLA William's Institute study that was just released, check out my comment under "Chick Magnet" because I lifted those words directly from the study. You're overall number is correct...25.6 M have admitted to same sex attracction, but your percentages are wrong. The figures are aggregated not cumulative. Easy enuf to make a mistake. And more WOMEN than men admitted to being bi. OK scott, did you get that? hahahahaha!
    Pax tibi fraters.
    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I really wish you were a politician...your honesty is truly your best quality (yeah, yeah, your bubble butt, notwithstanding!). I think I just realized why I like/admire this blog. Scott, you say what you think. The world could use more of you, I'll take my little piece whenever, thank you...
    Artful1

    ReplyDelete
  22. rugby - ya i kno u sd it 2. it just sounds better coming from JJ lol

    anon 1232 - dude. thx. but the last thing this planet needs is me in any kinda of positioin of authority lol

    ReplyDelete
  23. j-street and rugby, you provide info I've been wondering about and I'm not surprised.

    My story this: Fantasies at puberty 100% men/dated in hs/lots of therapy to get "functional" w/women, did/rel. w/women w/jerking off and some anon on side for 15 yrs, then married in my late 40s (for abt 5 minutes) w/disastrous results./ID'd as gay, rel. w/men not so good, either. Now, the cheese stands alone, so to speak. I'm probably somewhat bi with issues!!

    Summary: I woulda if I coulda but I couldn't (had family, etc). Having very fulfilling time as very close "uncle" to kid of a sorta bi man whom I loved and who killed himself when kid was 10 wks old.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Scott,
    I knew I was gay-bi before my marriage. Scott did you have any feelings for men befoe you were
    married. I would stray, not far, the fear of
    AIDs came in '79, and I sort of pulled back.
    Have 3 beautiful and very good children, wouldn't give them up for anything. They are
    true to their spouses n religion. Couldn't ask
    for anything more. Biggest mistake (I am such a dumass) was telling
    wife in March 2010, that I was Gay. Didn't
    seem like it really hit her hard til January
    this year. Now it is divorce, after 45yrs. and
    I am a Prevert according to her, Not a Man, and Laughs. Laughing at me is painful. I guess I am a prevert and happy, cause I look at God's Beautiful Men on the Net. Sometimes Jack off.
    So I guess if you want to break up with wife, and she is not Bi herself or Liberal, Your Ass
    is Grass. Just think about the consequences.
    Got a bigger mouth than I knew I had. Not leaving, so this should be a great fight until.......Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well, rugbysex, I must be just like u then.
    I'm a french canadian near Montreal so.
    Scott, i saw a program where one person said that everybody is bi-sexual but not averybody try it so, enjoy my friend.

    Yves

    ReplyDelete
  26. For Yves, 4.35p.m.
    I have read that same survey and I read it another one years ago. Under the right conditions, and it doesn't take much to make them right, everybody is BI. I was surprised to hear a talk show host out of Albany a few years ago talk about sexuality. One caller said something which wasn't nice about male to male. The host said, if you were on an island with another guy and no women, you would be looking at that other guy within six months. Tests have been done, and it's conclusive, it happens, even before six months.
    Because of the internet, more and more college students are starting to admire and participate in a one to one relationship with a same sex partner. We who have been around before the internet, were short changed. Now, because of the internet we are doing catch up, as is Scott. We have the internet avenue which gives us access, but at what speed do we dare have sex. It's not like speeding while driving. You get a frigging ticket if you are caught speeding. if you are caught with that guy that you play with, then the consequences can be very painful. For some, that pain is worth it, because, then, they have freedom. You all know what happens when you are caught in a lie. The liar pays the price, but the price, in this case as sexual freedom may be worth it. Guys, it's all a bowl of cherries. We are all winners, even though we don't cross the winning line at the same time. Be good to yourself. That's important. Enough said.
    bj.
    bj.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Scott,
    I've read your blog and certainly feel for your struggle. Tough choices but there seem to be a lot of caring guys here to help you work things out.

    It is not wrong to find yourself attracted to men. It is not wrong to act on your feelings. What is wrong is to be dishonest. If you find this is something you must experience, you owe yourself and your wife honesty or, if you can't face telling her, take a break from the marriage to experiment.

    Your wife deserves to be protected. No matter how safe you intend to be, things can happen. Having lived through the 80's and 90's I can tell you from personal experience that HIV is real and nothing to play with....yes, you can live a long time but ,trust me, it is still a horrible disease.

    My heart goes out to you. Listen to your heart, use your head and weigh your options carefully.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I feel partially responsible for Scott making this post due to my comments on his previous post. Part of me just wants that voyeuristic view into the straight guy playing around, but I may have lapsed in judgement since I'm dealing with a real person who has a real commitment to another actual human being and has offspring with that person and pushing him toward my own self-interested ends could possibly have catastrophic outcomes, of which I'm completely removed from. So, I wanted to tell you Scott that it's honorable that you keep your commitments in spite of your curiosity. If a totally straight guy were just super curious about another race of females and I were pushing him to try it out to satiate his curiosity, I'd be equally wrong.

    That said, for those who are reading this prior to having made commitments to someone else, I think it's a good idea to really explore what you like and want before making such a commitment. I've actually found gay relationships to be somewhat void of what I'm looking for. Have I just not found the right guy? There have been some girls who have really sparked my interest (and had the ability to make me hard whenever they wanted) in the past where I thought that due to my curiosity, I was "lying" to them by exploring that realm, but that is likely due to very binary either-or nature of sexuality that is engrained in us. I knew I had curiosity about other guys, so I very early labeled myself (internally) as "gay." Was I wrong? Am I actually more straight than gay and chose too early how to define myself and am giving myself a path that limits me from finding true happiness?

    The point, Scott... ignore my posts from before that were pushing you to an admittedly self-serving option that could have serious, long-lasting and detrimental effects on your life and your family. If you ever want to chat (not a sex IM thing) let me know.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh shit, I just realized that my wording may make me look like a racist. For clarity, I meant that for me to promote sex with someone other that who he'd committed to would be equally wrong, I chose race as the other physical attribute to swap out in place of gender.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm just glad I've found this blog. I've been really confused lately about what I want out of life. I feel like I'm only sexually attracted to men, not emotionally.

    ReplyDelete