Thursday, May 19, 2011

Gay Men Dating

This has all the makings of a Pile On Scott The Douchebag posting.  Ok so here’s what I want to know.  How does the male-male dating thing go?  With girls its usually 1 of 2 things.  A) you date a nice girl with the anticipation of getting in her pants by like the 3rd or 4th date.  B) you meet bitch out at a bar, buy her enough alcohol till she thinks your homely ass looks good and badabing your in her bed.  Is that the way it is with guys too?  I mean are there like courtships and stuff?  Does the whole ‘I-want-to-sleep-with-you-but-I-want-you-to-respect-me’ bullshit exist in the gay dating world? Do guys play hard to get?  Or do you basically fuck who you’re with till you find one that swallows?  I’ve typed and retyped this post about 4 times and this still makes me sound like an asshole but hey, you guys know me by now!

28 comments:

  1. Good Lord Scott just when I think you're progressing the dumb jock in you comes blazing through. Men date men like men date women. Sometimes it's good, sometimes not. We want to have sex but to say we're "looking for one that swallows" is an ignorant straightboy take. You're adorable but sometimes you need to be slapped.

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  2. LOL! I don't have an answer for this one, Scott. I know when I was single and looking for "dates" it was really just looking for a guy to have fun with; purely a hook-up to get our rocks off together. 'Course back then I was young, horny, and stupid. Four years of that and then I met my current wife...so, go figure.

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  3. We date, I work in a gay bar I see guys come in and hook up, many just want to fuck and do so in the toilets (always good to watch) and never speak to each other again, others date but from what I have seen in our smallish city most will fuck on the first date. Me I had a three date rule, could make out but never touch below the belt. but sometimes I was just fuckin horny thats how I met my husband of seven years, he was just a dirty fuck, Still is it's great.
    Say it like it is, It's yr blog ask how you want to ask
    Mike

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  4. I don't think this is a stupid question. I've been around the scene for a long time, and I've noticed a trend toward more convergence between the ways that gays and straights date. This is new within the last 10 to 15 years.

    Guys who want a quality relationship with a quality guy often get to know them and date quite a bit before having sex. So, yes, some guys do date other guys without having sex on the first few dates.

    It also happens that hookups turn into dates and relationships. One difference between M/M and M/F dates is that there's less pressure on guys to prove that they aren't sluts, so playing hard to get isn't as common as it is with women. That's a good thing.

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  5. Every connection is different but I will tell you about two recent ones I've had.

    First: at a friends house where we usually play with another guy. In comes the guy, never seen him before in my life. Shook hands, he got naked, then he started with sucking my friends cock, while I had my thumb up his ass finding his prostate. So First sight to fuck, took about two minutes, though I was pre-qualified to him by my friend.

    Second: chatting with a guy online now for about five weeks, chat about every other day, they last about two hours each (on and off during the day.) I know what this guy wants to do when we meet, and we may meet as soon as this Saturday (really want to meet him before the end of world.) First meeting, nothing may happen, or everything may happen, don't know yet.

    In my limited experience, dating and getting with other guys is much quicker than with women. Here is where my experience will differ from other guys in that my goal is not a LTR, but at best a FWB, so the expectations are lower. Would you turn down a blow job if your dick was out and hard and a cocksucker about to go down on you? probably not.

    Also is not like any of these guys are ever going to meet my parents.

    Also Scott, have you ever even heard of a girl that would sit in a dark, skanky booth with a hole in the wall waiting for a cock to pop through, and then her going to town on it, never to see it again, or know who the dick was attached to (If you have, let me know her name.)

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  6. Scott, Dating is different from hooking up. Us married Bi Guys are more into hooking up...although we might be looking for that regular FWB buddy...normally both parties in the hook up are after the same thing. Dating is looking for someone in that LTR, and I've not met guys for that.

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  7. No don't really think this post makes you look like an asshole at all Scott..

    Now dudes that are really into cock, for the most part certainly don't have to be wined and dined, good example at the gym, if two guys are horny enough, there will be somebody's dick getting sucked, if the can get away with it

    IN fact I am heading to the gym now, and if it's like last night, had a great workout and then blow someone in the locker room afterwards, so it was almost closing time, and it's rather easy to get a quick one in...

    Just look at CL, if you look at the section women looking for men, most want to have coffee or go for a movie, but hell look at men looking for men, and most want a blow and go, or maybe a quick fuck...

    to be continued, but I need a workout and need cock, so I am going where any normal dude goes that likes to look at men, half naked and naked the GYM......

    SJ

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  8. All of the above, Scott. (Referring to your original post,not the comments above.) First off, remember that you basically have a porn blog here, so your readers aren't exactly an accurate cross section of gay people. Secondly, like any large group, people are varied. I know gay guys in their 30s who are still waiting for the right guy before having sex, and I had a gay roommate who would have a different guy over every night. And everything in between.

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  9. I found my (now) hubby on a gay sex hookup site less than two months after ditching my ex-bf of 5+ yrs. He advertised he was a top who was built like a linebacker and he just wanted to fuck - nothing more.

    That was EXACTLY what I was looking for after being in a relationship that involved very little sex during the last two years! I hit him up, went to his place, he opened the door and he was everything he advertised himself to be and a sexy fucker too! He invited me in - 2 minutes later I'm buck naked on my knees servicing him in preparation to take it in the ass. No coffee, no conversation, no niceties needed. We got right down to business and he fucked me silly.

    It was only after the 3rd or 4th hookup with him that I decided I wanted to try to get to know him better than just his first name. At that point I stopped looking for other people to trick with to see how things evolved. That's when we started going places other than his bedroom. Well....actually, we'd go out to dinner after we finished fucking. A boy's gotta eat, after all!

    Does that make me a whore? If so, I'm fine with it. I don't imagine I'm the only gay guy whose relationship evolved this way.

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  10. Scott - this was actually a good post. I am a gay guy who was socialized as "straight" guy. I always wanted mansex but could not get comfortable with the idea of dating a guy for a long time - into my 30's. I never thought I could be romantic with a guy, hold hands or any of the stereotypical things associated with straight dating. Once I met the right person, my issues with this basically went away, and I think my current boyfriend is a very romantic guy. Of course, we slept together on our first date, but I bought him dinner first. :)

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  11. Once again, hysterical! Can't really help w/personal experience b/c you dating/relationship experience gay, then straight, then gay has been almost uniformly disastrous. My bad, as they say. But! Look at gay Grumpy King who told me that he DOESN'T date, he fucks. So much for love everlasting. And for a terrific movie clip on the man on man/gay hook up, watch "She's Just Not That Into You" where two gay men instruct a lovelorn straight guy on it works in the gay world.

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  12. Great post and replies! This IS an issue that guys have to think about and figure out, and it is different for many of us (speaking of my own gay friends and me). How do gay men know when they are daung or just friends? If you dint have sex fairly quickly, or if you're not at least touching a lot, then you're probably just friends and ain't gonna have sex. If you go have full on great sex right away but haven't had a common activity to share, then you're fuck buds. I think it takes a fine balance of taking it at a right pace, expressing interest physically while spending time getting to know each other. I've had lots of sex with guys right away and no regrets! amazing times and great friends. But my relationship of 11 years + was when I was trying to NOT do any of that - I'd sworn off dating and hooking up for a ehile because I wanted more and needed to find a new approach. With my now partner, I walked up to him in a bar, said you're very sexy, he replied in kindmand so I pulled him to me and we made out fairly wildly for being in a bar. It was feat fun and I knew there was interest. NormLly I'd have taken him home but I said, no, I want someone who is emotionally available and open to a relationship - including living together eventually.I walked him to the subway, we spoke the next day, and had a date - went to the metropolitan museum of art. Took a long walk through Central Park and went back to my apartment. Yes then we had sex. Not really able to hold off more than that but it was not the first time we met that we fuckd. That helped it for me. And it seems to have worked - almost 12 years later and still reasonably happy.I still love him very much.

    I also still look around and think, If I were single now. I go after (and immediately see six guys I would watch shower or want to see them swimming nake...).

    I love this blog! Scott, you rock!!!

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  13. There is no fundamental difference between dating a man or a woman unless you are confused about what you want, when you want it and with whom you want.

    A woman knows when she wants cock. A man knows when he wants cock. A woman knows when she wants companionship and so does a man.

    A woman is not always seeking Mr. Right and neither are men. Sometimes both are and then you need to be sure what you want.

    Never send a mixed signal and whomever is across the table or bar or dance floor or desk will appreciate your honesty even if you are a dirt bag just looking for nasty pig sex in the afternoon. Even some women want nasty pig sex in the afternoon.

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  14. Scott
    Great question. I am married (to a women!) and have been seeing a great gay guy for about 7 months - and indeed our relationship is like dating and has been a lot of fun for both of us- dancing, baths and of course sex. For me it is filling in a void I do not have with my wife - and my friend seems to really dig me too. So we are far from fuck buddies and more like true friends and lovers. It is terrific.
    Tom from Cleveland

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  15. I am so out of it. Couldn't even get past ten posts, and I usually read them all. Date? DATE?? Jeez, what have we come to? Picket fences, that's what. Jeez. Sorry.

    Remembering back to the baths, for instance. You'd have a room (nice for a change,) and get somebody and just do everything in the playbook for an hour or so. Afterward, in the afterglow one might say, toweling off the sweat as it was always hot as hell in those places, you'd often shake hands and introduce yourselves. Really. ... Memories. Rick SEA

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  16. I need help. I've got a serious crush on a straight coworker. Two Friday's ago, after a company Karaoke night, he drove me home and we were hugging goodbye in the car and it felt so good (and I was drunk enough) that I said "God, you feel good." and he responded that I felt good too. I ended up getting caught up in the feeling and had my left hand on the back of his fuzzy head and my right hand sliding up his inner thigh and started rubbing his crotch. My drunkeness from the evening prevents me from remembering exactly what happened next but I stopped. Did he stop me? Did I open my eyes to see my hand on his crotch and realize how far over the line I'd stepped with a straight coworker that I pulled back? I honestly don't remember. I know I left the car immediately and repressed the details with a "that did not just happen" mantra so it left the whole event blocked, some details came back after a few days. The next week's company outing, he made a point to hop up off the floor (house party) to hug me before I left, so I took that as him not being weirded out by what happened, but now I don't know how to interact with him, if I should address anything I remember, should I apologize, should I confess how much I enjoyed being close to him... arg... fuck.

    He's the office hottie, that gay coworkers and straight coworkers agree upon. He plays soccer regularly and has a fantastic body, and his jeans make his ass look like the best ass you've ever seen. For months he's been regularly passing by then quickly checking behind him (at me) to see if I'm looking... He caught me a few times at the start and I then intentionally stopped looking at his ass to avoid being caught... but he still looks.

    The problem is that my memory of that night is so bad that I don't know if he stopped me when my hand slid up his thigh to his crotch or if I stopped myself in a moment of "WTF am I doing to my coworker?!" when I was drunk. That makes a huge difference in what I say to him. The day after he dropped me off, I txt'd him to ask him how I got home, because at that moment, I honestly had no idea. His response was simply "Yeah, I drove you" Do I just get him alone again, while drunk, and tell him how much I liked touching him? If my memory is correct, he told me I felt good too during our hug... Fuck. I have such a crush on him.

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  17. Anon 6:40
    It sounds like he has interest of some sort. Even if he stopped you, he was still turned on by being close to you to respond that you felt good to him. That doesn't mean he wants to fuck you... but at least you know he's expressive and unafraid. Whether or not he stopped you or you stopped yourself may be moot... since both of you were into it until some point (which may have been the hand on the crotch). Since the last you talked to him about that night was that text, he doesn't think you remember anything. This means you can tell him how much you enjoyed it and apologize for crossing the line... but as you say, the line may be only in your head. He may have been open to it. How much of a risk would it be to tell him how much you liked being close to him, maybe stating that you don't remember the details... or maybe you should ask him what he thought about that night... which puts him on the spot, and could backfire since you're making him state things that could be more uncomfortable for him to say than for you to... Sorry I don't have a clear answer... just be honest, I say. He obviously was honest with you when he said you felt good... even if it was in the heat of the moment.

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  18. @6:40
    do you have your own place? invite the dude over to watch a game on the tube. watch the game. have a few beers. buy a couple of HOT STR8 porn DVDs. after the game, ask if he'd like to watch the porn. if he's interested at all, he'll say yes. about 15 min. into the movie, start rubbin ur crotch. then play it by ear. just don't rush it. if it's the dudes first time, be satisfied if you just jack-off together. make him feel relaxed, like it's no big deal. take it easy and slow. then report back.
    cheers!

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  19. Met a guy yesterday. Within a few minutes we were all over each other. Had sex a couple of times before we even asked each other for a name. Date? Not when you just wanna get off.

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  20. Dear 640am. You've really helped educate me about this new world. On the one hand, such a delightful problem to have. On the other, look at the enigma all this hugging crap has caused. I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams hugging the straight office hottie in the car after a night of partying, no matter how drunk. And boy have I been drunk. Rick SEA

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  21. The next time you see him and he turns and walks away from you. When he turns to look at you, give him a wink a smile and a thumbs up. He will probably smile. In doing that, you have established a contact situation. If he turns and looks at you for a second time, just smile and go back to work.
    bj

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  22. ya me and the guy i was hit for a year and a half fucked on the first night, but the guy i was with for 2 weeks didnt do anything ever

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  23. @rugbysex, does that stuff really work? I read about it all the time but I can't imaging saying to some guy, wanna come over and watch porn after your soccer match!

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  24. Anon @ 6:40 Don't dip your wick where you work! It won't end well - he's straight.

    This isn't a fictional story on Nifty.

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  25. Thanks Tom you are awesome!!!!!

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  26. It's the same fucking thing! How many times do you have to compare gay and straight relationships to get the fucking picture? Jesus H. Christ!

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  27. And BTW - this is coming from the guy who posted the same fucking thing comment....my partner and I have been in a 13 year GAY relationship. We do the same things as fucktard straight people do - we travel, live in the burbs, shop, eat at restaurants, drive, walk, look, touch, etc.

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  28. Oh and one more thing...all you "straight" guys who talk about your wife - you're fucking gay with a beard. And if you haven't a clue what a beard is look in up! And stop voting as if you were straight - vote for gay rights!

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