Thursday, June 16, 2011

Big Game Hunting

This is a email I got recently.  Any of you horny assholes got any advice for my boy?

I'm a single guy with a married buddy who I think might be dropping me hints. But, because I value our friendship, I've been convincing myself I'm only imagining his cues which include things like: 1) Making comments about cock sucking (in general, not specifically about the two of us (I don't think), 2) Very obviously going commando, 3) Being extra affectionate after drinking (big hugs).

Scott, I'd totally be down with playing with him, but if I'm only imagining things then the friendship is at risk. Being married, he's got more to lose than me.

So, I'm just wondering, how have your other readers dealt with married buddies? How did things eventually get "there"?

42 comments:

  1. Tread carefully, and bring beer

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  2. This situation has come up for me several times. What I've done is different with each case but in general, I suggest finding activities where you are touching him or he has to touch you. I love trading a massage with a buddy and that makes it really clear what he is looking for. Wear loose shorts (commando) and he should be naked - if he is getting the massage. That has led to sex so many times. Drinking is good because it always gives an excuse for someone who has a regret after the fact.

    However, if you really worry about losing the friendship, don't pursue it. There are plenty of available single men out there with whom you can fuck around. Bottom line: don't fall in love with married guys. Be friends, have fun but they are not there to be a lover. Occasional playing around is fine if you can keep it "sport fucking" and not more than that.

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  3. I don't know any straight guys who'd be comfortable getting a massage from a buddy. I'd pop the beers, start chatting-joking about how it's been a long time since you had sex. Hopefully he'll bite on it and it will lead to obvious tenting. Make it relaxed for him. Don't come on too strong or he'll run. But it sounds like he wants it.

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  4. A dilemma for sure. If the friendship is valued then ignore the hints. If you don't care about whatever happens going public in your circle of friends then throw some ass his way and see what happens. Do you know and care about the wife? Just a reminder str8 married guys tend to be the most confusing animals on the planet. Tread carefully is my advice.

    MattB

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  5. He's definitly sending you signals. Try this. Invite him over sometime and just before he arrives hit the shower so when he gets there you're naked. See if reacts. He's not gonna get in the shower with you but it helps crack the ice and gives his straight ass something to think about.

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  6. I vote not to do it. I have lost a few friends because of that situation, married or with a girlfriend. That is a hot bed of drama. Unless he was your friend before the marriage and that is an aspect of your friendship, it does not seem like a risk to take.

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  7. Yeah it is a delema. I've been there. Does he know you are gay or bi? The eyes tell it all ... watch his eyes. After a few beers talk about sex in general. Then find a way to touch him in a relatively innocent way ..if he does not jump or push you away .. then touch him in a less innocent way...see how he reacts.

    Another way is to fake a muscle cramp in your shoulder and ask him to rub it. Another trick is to adjust your junk more than once and a bit longer than normal and see how he reacts. The trick is to do something that is sexual but is just on the line and could be seen as "normal". then wait for a reaction. Sure you don't want to loose a friendship .. but what the heck.

    Benchpecs

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  8. MattB
    In all these Dear Uncle Abe types of posts you are the first guy I've ever heard ask the question, "do you know or care about his wife?". Congratulations on being more than just a "dick"

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  9. Dear “get there”,

    The easy answer would be to just go for it and deal with the result later. Yet, I get the sense that you are trying to be a caring friend and trying to think with your head that sits on your shoulders (not the little general). I understand, because I’ve been there... I’m a married guy who has sex with guys (skip the labels guys... that’s a different email).

    Your married buddy is doing his best to give you cues without being overt. He doesn’t want to risk the friendship either, yet he does want to play but just doesn’t want to about it. Invite him over for a guys night out... after drinking when he hugs you take it to the next level and see where it goes. To be honest, if you guys play... that’s all that it is... guys need other guys (mentally, physically and yes sexually). If it doesn’t work out, blame it on the alcohol because he probably will (but don’t be surprised if he comes back again).

    John

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  10. I am in the same situation, but this time, we're both married. I have posted this before... but I will re-post (I hope there are no rules here against re-posting. ;)


    I am too dumb to read any signals. a co-worker, we're both married, socialized out of work, caught him a few times staring at me (or so I think), flexing muscles, showing his guns, winking, not mischievously, but winking like we both know something, when having conversations. very open and honest conversations, a genuinely good guy, one drunken evening, have stayed at his place to spend the night, slept on the same bed i (in reverse position though, we're both too conscious about the label thing, I guess), in our undies but with shirts on. nothing happened, but I can sense, at least, I think, that he might just.. .just a bit interested in fooling around.

    If we can only read minds .... ;p

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  11. quietman good advice. can u please tell us what u mean by "take it to the next level". i think that's usually our stumblimg block.

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  12. @quietman: " guys need other guys (mentally, physically and yes sexually)"

    Thanks! You just answered my dilemma. I am normal! hahaha

    All I want is somebody who I can talk to about anything, no holds barred, no judgement, honest, sincere, whom I can totally be myself with, who I can hang and chill, have fun, play sports with, whom I can tell absolutely everything about what I think, what I feel. Someone who is after my own welfare, and vice versa. Someone who is like me, married with kids, takes care of himself, works out, as horny and as perverted to do stuff with (watching porn together and jacking off together or more), as handsome and as gorgeous like myself (and yep, as self-absorbed as myself. lol ;) Is this too much to ask? Heck, I think I should just clone myself and screw myself. LOL. Does this make me gay? bi? or just plain narcissist? Is this even normal?

    Looks like, I am indeed. Thanks quietman!

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  13. 1) Get him drunk. Really drunk.
    2) 1 and/or Let him crash in your bed. If he's not drunk, keep talking so he won't get asleep. That will slowdown his circulation and he'll get a boner.
    3) When talking about sex, wonder aloud how would it feel to be blown by a guy. If he seems incredelous or dismissive, just say you've read/heard somewhere that guys give better head than girls.

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  14. @ anonymous 9:50 I didn't think anyone had as big an ego as Scott's. Looks like I was wrong.

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  15. I vote for eld's idea. Sounds like he's got it right. And has done it before.

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  16. Flirt

    That is what this is all about. A married guy likes to feel that he is still a sexual animal and flirting with a buddy is a way of doing that. If he goes commando, make a comment about how it may turn on some girls and the guys too. If he talks about cock sucking tell him some stories. Most guys like this are wanting to get naked and mess around with another guy, it's just that they have been told all their lives that its wrong and sinful. So if you push him to do something then he is going to feel guilty and things will be different. If it's all about playing and he can explain it as a joke, or not something he did, then he can live with it.

    My advise is just leave it at flirting, see how far it goes, and if it crosses the line, make sure he can back track or understands what it will mean to cross that line. If there is guilt associated with crossing that line, then nothing is going to be same between you guys.

    Think of it like this:
    Two guys mostly naked rolling around on a mat being very physical. The guy on bottom has been pinned down and after a struggle is getting the shit pounded out of him, the guy on top feels victorious and is very happy to be pounding away at the bottom guy.

    Is this a description of a wrestling match or two guys having sex? thats the fine line.

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  17. WTF.. eld at 10:05 am, "keep talking so he won't get asleep. That will slowdown his circulation and he'll get a boner".. What is this Chinese torture.. used in World War 2??

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  18. you chose a very hot (and appropriate) pic to accompany this post

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  19. Watch a movie alone together, and let him make the first move.

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  20. @ anon:

    Do you try to keep awake when you really want to sleep without the aid of stimulants. You'll really get a hard on. There's a scientific explanation for this. It's the same as the body inducing a yawn to expel built up carbon dioxide. This is the exact same thing happening when you get a boner while sleeping. The body slows down and must compensate to pull in more oxygen.

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  21. As a married guy, I understand the dilemma. I think the surest way is to manage to have an honest conversation about "male sexuality". Of course, you have to have a great degree of trust to get to that point. That is where all the flirting advice already posted here is spot on. But, can we come up with another term instead of "flirting". How about "buddy talking"?

    What your married friend is doing is testing the waters...sure, go ahead and notice he is going commando and tell him you love it too. "Man, after a day of going commando, as soon as I get home I gotta jack it. Makes me so horny." What you would be acknowledging is something all men feel, straight or otherwise. This is a "safe" way to bring up sex with out making it a guy on guy context. You can put it out there as obliquely as he does and raise his curiosity too. But, while you do this, keep reassuring him how much you value the friendship. Say stuff like, "man, I could never say anything like that to my other friends."

    Bottom line, you are playing "long ball" here; don't rush it. Its kind of like those animal trackers in Africa. They just trail the prey until it is exhausted and then go for the kill. Learn to love the hunt.
    Celt

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  22. From a dude that loves married straight dudes (and no, it's not the chase), you just have to be very patient, timing is everything, just be one of the guys, and when you do go in for the kill, and he does get off, if he says that wasn't for him or he was drunk and there WONT be a next time, just agree, and be patient again.. most likely there will be "another time"...be don't expect too much, and most likely you will always be the "giver"... but hell I look at it, as it's better to give than to receive...not for everyone, but it works for me.

    SJ

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  23. Look, do you want friend with benefits or are you out to be a home wrecker? The smartest thing you can do guy to guy is be honest. Cut the crap. Stop trying to read signals and ask direct questions. If he bails he was never a friend really. If he wants to chat he might be exploring options and uncertain where he wants to go. If he pulls you in and rips your cloths off you got your answer. Why make life so complicated.

    As for the aspect of breaking up or complicating his relationship with wive and family. He crossed that bridge when he started flirting in your direction. You don't have fuck to cheat. You have to turn your attention from the one you made vows with in the direction of others.

    If you guy wants an uncomplicated NSA partner for attention be clear about what you want and see if your needs are a good fit. You already know his cock will be a good fit or you would not be interested in his flirtations or advances.

    If he is flirting and not asking, he is telling you one thing which is that you are in control of the advance and the dominant or more experienced player. That is your leverage and you can waste weeks months or years making each other wet or you can simply be the men you are and talk to each other about what you both need from a friends with benefits situation.

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  24. Also... if you choose to be a friend with benefits, understand the benefit is going to be the only place you will likely be friends. You don't take a married fuck buddy to a ball game or drink with him on Friday night or work out on the same schedule. That is a relationship and that will damage his primary family. You fuck and nothing more. That is how you make that work.

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  25. Yeah, most of the advice here is spot on - baby steps. Somewhere down the beer drinking road be honest and say, "I've been getting this vibe from you recently, and I was just wondering..." If he's really your friend a little honesty can't hurt.

    Congratulations Tim Thomas and the Bruins. They stopped the best offense in the league and obviously did want it more.

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  26. from quietman

    The next level...
    The next level can mean many things but in this case here's what I mean... when the other guy gives you an affectionate hug, give him one back and rest your head near his neck making sure that your whole body tightly next to his and just stay there (chest to chest, cock to cock if possible). This should make him feel safe, warm and wanted/needed. I would suggest that no words need to be said.
    I'm betting he will like this, be prepared as he may take the lead and escalate things from there on his own... if not, just stay in the embrace as long as he will allow and bask in the joy and warm embrace of another guy who is your friend (which can be quite fulfilling).
    This type of next level experience can be a non-threatening situation that will allow him not to be guilty... I believe that this act of patience on your part; could create an evolution that will deepen your friendship to include both spiritual and physical aspects.

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  27. eld: That's not *quite* why is does what it does... Our dicks get fully hard at night for the same reason they get semi-hard during the day: delivery of Blood Oxygen to the tissues.
    The difference is this: During the day our brains are (normally) occupied with more exigent things like work, fixing the car, paying the bills; at night our brains are free to wander, the dick starts to fill and, whether it's stimulation from sheets or whatever, or our brains are now free to fantasize about sexual things, they'll grow to full-blown hard-ons. This typically happens during REM sleep.

    As for the initial question, I think quietman has pretty much hit the definitive answer. Men need the company of men and more and more guys are beginning to figure that out. We need someone we can talk with openly about anything, someone with whom we can be ourselves sans judgement. If that leads to jacking off together - or more - it's perfectly normal. For years women have had the freedom to feel real emotions and express them to their girlfriends (with or without sexual activity) and I think we men are finally expressing a similar need. Our libido is what sends us into the sexual realm and, as men, we understand the need for release.

    And, yes, it is 100% true that men give better head and better hand-jobs than women. If you spend two seconds to think about it it makes all the sense in the world: If you have a cock, you know how to treat one; a man knows instinctively what feels good and can kore readily read the physical signals those sensations are having. Therefore he knows when to back off, when to increase, and when his partner is about to blast the load - or at least he should!

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  28. Lots of good advice. Just remember that a friend...a true friend is a rare treasure. Think long and hard before you risk losing a friend just for some momentary pleasure. And please don't say "if he's a true friend, he won't run away." Lots of guys (especially if they're str8) are just too insecure to handle a sexual advance from someone of the same sex. A FWB is terrific. I've been fortunate to have several. But they're even more rare than a true friend. Good luck.
    Cheers!

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  29. This discussion has really got me thinking about what life would be like if between guys, getting a boner, or doing some sexual acts was as common as shaking hands with a guy. If there was no stigma for one guy to handle another guys junk, the 100% straight guys would be just not interested, while the 100% guys would need to cool off some(really cool it, you got to eat sometimes.)

    A world where if your reach your hand out to your friends cock while he's going commando, the response would be no thanks or yes, but not "WTF are you doing, followed by some slurs" to make himself feel like a macho man.

    I'll be over here, commando, it anyone wants to test my response.

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  30. This discussion has got me thinking about what it would be like if there were no stigma for one guy to make some sort of sexual advance toward another guy. Where friends could swap hand jobs, and it would be just as normal as shaking hands with someones.

    Where if your friend is going commando and you reach out to feel his cock through the material of his slacks, the only response you get is "no thanks," or "not now," or a simple "not interested." Not some faith based guilt trip where any sexual connection with another guy gets you on express train to hell.

    Get over it, if a guy wants to touch my cock, thats his decision to do the act and my decision to allow him to do the act, no one else has any input on that decision. But in this day and age still, there is guilt and peer pressure, to act like men, and that is not "their" definition of acting like a man.

    So I'll be over here, going commando, if anyone would like to test my response, please form a neat and orderly line, thanks

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  31. Ah shit dude, amtop at 2:36 pm, you just gave me a rod, I am leaving for the gym in a few, man if life was like that, I don't know if I would get my workout in...

    love to grab me some beefy butt, evertime I go to the gym... I am going to have to rub one out...now...

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  32. booze, booze, booze, and more booze...

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  33. If he knows you are gay or bi -- you can get him a little drunk and start talking about other encounters you've had -- I think from that you will learn pretty quickly if he is interested or grossed out by it. If he doesn't know about your sexuality...I suggest doing something physical together -- like tossing a football in the park or something like that where you can chase him down and tackle him and grab the package. Do it fun, if he just laughs it off -- cool, but he grabs back...you've got the start of something fun.

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  34. Hi,
    Today, I had to make a road trip, and I was thinking of you. What would I do? You have been in a situation with a friend that you like and admire. Obviously, he admires you, too. Both of you have been drinking. He gets on the subject of sex, and whatever goes with it. Here's what I would do. When he talks about sex. I would say to him, quietly, the last time you spoke about sex, I got a nice hard on. Now, I am getting another one, thanks to you. Watch his reaction. If it looks cool, or it doesn't and you want to test the waters you can say to him, "How can I return the favor? If he says, "Uh." Let it go at that. Smile and say thanks for the rod. You can then add, I think that before this night is over, we will be indulging in some type of pleasure. (That means, he with his wife and you with your hand!)
    Getting him drunk, is bull shit. Don't do that. You won't like the experience and neither will he. In fact, it is deceptive. I can honestly say and add, if a friend said something to me that gave me a hard on. I would say, hey buddy, I know that we have had a couple of drinks, but you just gave me a beautiful hard on, how can I return the favor? You could also step aside and say, look what you have created. What am I supposed to do with this? Let him look at it, (with your clothes on.) I suspect that he wants to play with you, and he trusts you. That's a good thing. There are many guys on this earth who have a steady buddy and that is a damn good thing. If families can live together and share together, so can a buddy and his friend. If by chance that it seems to go sour, you can say, we are still buddies, horny and buddies.
    Integrity, is important.
    Have a good journey,
    be safe,
    bj.
    p.s. Let us know how it works out.

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  35. @ anonymous 10:24am

    Maybe Anon 9:50am and Scott are one and the same?

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  36. Here's how I've handled the situation with a few of my straight buddies. I can tell which one's are way too uptight, and I would never mess with them. Then I have a few buddies that are married, but joke around and are fun. I've had them over to my place before, and we almost always end up at the pool at night. They don't bother with a swimsuit, and either strip to their underwear or strip all the way down.
    Once a buddy is naked, it's pretty easy to tell if he's interested. I'll get out of the pool, sit on the side of the hot tub and don't try to cover myself. If they do the same, it goes from there. You would be surprised how many "straight" buddies get a boner just sitting out by the pool or hot tub naked.

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  37. wow, ok reading all these comments make me so ..um wishing this was my problem. The guy does need to decide whats more important, getting off, or maybe loosing a friendship This situation had a bad effect on my friendship with my best friend. We are still best friends,but I had to decide what was more important. I glad I choose the friendship, but I don'yt regret the fun we used to have together.

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  38. Warning - he may be interested today or seem receptive today, but his guilt tomorrow will be your fault, not his. In my experience, a good friend is a lot harder to find than a good fuck. - Breezyknees

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  39. "a good friend is a lot harder to find than a good fuck."

    so true. I'm keepin my dick back in my pants. It will just be me and mary palmer, from now on... until I find a good fuck, that is. ;)

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  40. Hey guys, I'm the guy who sent Scott the original question. It's been fun to read all the comments.
    This dude is really hot, so it's really hard to not think about helping him out of his pants. But the guys who advise against it are right, I think. As much as I like to see him naked and hard, perhaps I need to keep this as fantasy and enjoy the friendship. The next time I see he's commando, though...shit!

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  41. The next time you see he's commando, show him your commando.
    It's going to happen. You want it and from what you said, SO does HE!

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