You know what goes on in my head. I got an email from a dude who gave me another perspective on this. It was in response to my Nerd posting a couple days ago. Published with permission of the author.
I had no desire to play sports in high school. My parents insisted I “get involved” with something so I joined Drama Club. Realizing I had no acting ability I became involved with the background design and found my true opus. There was a boy on the football team at school who I always fantasized about. One year I ended up in the same gym class. I never spoke to him but I was able to catch glimpses of him nude in the boys locker room. I masturbated for months to those images. One day my fantasy of him was crushed when he and some of his friends pushed me out of the locker room naked into the hallway and several people (including some girls) saw me nude. It was a traumatic experience for a shy, introverted 16 year old. A few years later during summer break I saw him at a bar and he apologized to me as we shared a beer (he had several). At the end of the night he asked if he could crash at my place because he was too drunk to drive home. He didn’t know I was gay. I don’t know if he would have had he known. I inflated a mattress for him and he passed out. Later in the night I walked into the room where he slept to check on him. He was asleep and naked. I looked at the body which I had only glimpsed upon back in high school, but now was able to stand there and take it all in without fear of reprisal. It crossed my mind to do something – anything – to exact revenge for what he had done to me in high school. But I realized that if I did I’d be no better than he. So I went back to my room and did what I had done so many times in high school, but this time with a fresh, raw image in my mind. After several minutes I realized that I was entitled to some satisfaction for what I had to live with back in that hallway in high school. I walked into his room, and with my phone in hand, took several pictures of him laying naked. I’d never share them with anyone, but for the past year it’s been my wallpaper on my home laptop. Call it revenge of the nerd.