Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Anxiety?

Ok so this is gonna sound like the same topic I done before but it’s got a twist.  This question came from a reader. Not sure how old he is. I actually got a take on this but I’ll let you guys take a shot at helping him out first.
Have a dilemma and thought you or your readers may have suggestions. Straight, curious guy here, have thought about playing with a guy, and would like to; light stuff, mutual jacking, etc… I go to a gym, and periodically in the steam room the opportunity presents itself. Me and a guy are in there alone, I get a nervous / anxious, he shows wood and I’ve got nothing….and worse, can’t seem to get wood no matter what I do! It’s happened a few times, they look at me like, What’s wrong? It gets weird, major performance anxiety. They typically jo while I sheepishly play along, trying to get some attention from my boy! Is it time for Viagra. Suggestions, any of your readers been in this situation, and if so, how did they handle it? Thanks buddy.  

17 comments:

  1. This is an attractive man. I don't care if you're a man or a woman. If you don't get some kind of vib from this guy you just aren't alive.

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  2. RELAX. Stop worrying about getting a boner and just be there. Get present with no preconceived notion of what "should be" and just be. Breath. And enjoy the show.

    MM

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  3. At its best, arousal is a response to another person to whom our total body reaction is erection -- reaching out to another person. In guys particularly we are often able to separate the personal arousal from a kind of generic willingness to fuck anything that isn't metal. This general horniness does not often discriminate between a need to get off and a need to connect as a whole person.

    So I see some good things in this situation: First, it is an unsafe anxious place -- someone could come in at any time and make an unpleasant report. Secondly, this is not a 'personal' interaction -- he doesn't know the dudes,really, and so another interpretation is that he doesn't know enough to get hard -- so his total body response may be one of going for the higher standard. "Wanting to try it with a dude" may work better with a really good friend he is attracted to and admires and wants to be more a part of his life - his cock knows and his cock will tell him. Third, this may simply be a situation which seems 'strange' to him -- in which case, attending often, watching, being open to what can happen -- in short, practice may also resolve the strangeness.

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  4. That is a hot pic. I love that furry bush!

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  5. If your very new at this, it could be your very eager to participate, but nervous, and then sets in performance anxiety,, give it time, if you can kinda of whisper quietly to them, they will understand, and hell they will still get off looking at you, especially if they are "ass man" show them you men butt, let them touch it,(if your comfortable with doing that) they won't kick you out...lol....hey sometimes in the sauna I can't get it "up" for one reason or another, but still enjoy watch the "show" of another dude...

    SJ

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  6. Hey, if you can't get it up, you can still offer to jack him off. Jacking him off may get your own wood to react.

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  7. i've said it b4 and i'll say it again...those wharton guys...they sure know their shit! lol.
    Leges sine moribus vanae.
    cheers!
    p.s. lux et veritas

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  8. Jon (a Canadian) gave a great answer... Reaching out and playing with his cock just might take your mind off of your own, thereby getting you past your nervousness (which is now leading to performance anxiety).

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  9. I with the "go with the flow" crowd here. Have no expectations and enjoy the show. The more you are exposed to the situation, the more familiar it becomes and the anxiety levels drop. The first time some one hit on me in the sauna, I got scared and left...but I left intrigued.
    Celt

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  10. I agree with MM, if they are jacking off to the sight of your body, doesn't matter if you have an erection or not. Sit back, relax, and if you get a woody, so much the better, of you don't that is not going to stop the guy form jacking off, it may make him more excited.

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  11. If this is the only place the reader has trouble getting hard then no it is not time for Viagra. New situation, societal guilt, pressure.. no wonder there is no wood. The best advise I can offer is to let the other guy know that you like what you see but that you are nervous. He may just put on a hot show and you never know what may come up. Another thing would be to suggest going somewhat private. Assuming of course you recognize the guy as a regular at the sauna.

    Enjoy life and what it sends your way.

    GY

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  12. Don't take viagra in a steam room either.. Viagra causes blood vessels to dilate so you get blood flow moving. The heat also causes your blood vessels to dilate. you will find your ass passed out in the steam room and won't that be embarrassing..

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  13. Question?
    Anybody ever have any luck on silverdaddies.com or on squirt.org?
    Thanks.

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  14. Let me throw some heavy philosophical shit out here. It's much more important that as humans we have the ability to connect with each other. It's much less important whether the connection is dude to chick, chick to chick, dude to dude, dude to dude to dude (!).

    Damn I'm good.

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  15. Here's what I suggest that you do. When you go into the steam room bring a bucket of warm water with you, and a wash cloth. Sitting down, start to put some of that water on you and wet the cloth and start rubbing your body. Do it nice and easy. After a while, stand up and wet the cloth and ring it out over your head. There is nothing nicer that a wet shimmering body. If you want, take the wet cloth and start putting it to your genital area. By now, you should be read to have wood. I bet the guy is watching you and wants to touch you. Give it some thought and let me know what you think of the idea. The water that is in the bucket, you can spill it over yourself and even invite the guy to share in that shower.
    bj.

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  16. I occasionally have trouble getting it up, if they change my meds for a minor on-going health issue, until things ballance out in a couple of weeks, the mind is willing but the flesh is uh, weak... In that state, I simply say, "meds have gotten in the way of sponanious erections today but I am extremely excited and turned on", cuz I am. That is always fine, no problem. If they are playing there, they most likely just want to get off quickly with somebody helping out, and go on their merry way. Honesty between sex partners in any setting is good policy. So something like, "this is my very first time at this, and I am excited", or later, "I have only tried this once/couple of times before, but this is so hot" etc is just fine to say. Rarely, someone will say OK, catch ya next time, but that very very rarely happens, once the erection is released out of the gate, so to speak.

    If I find guys already playing when I walk in, I will offer to stand look-out for them and turn my back and look out the door in order to warn them if/when they should stop, and then I exit as the new person is coming in to give them some time to "re-group their composure", or telll them that this guy coming in is cool I have played with him before, etc. You will get a handle on who to do and who to avoid.

    If I am present and not feeling sexy, (due to whatever reason, and my head is just not into it)and one can sense the sexual energy skyrocketting in the room, either choose to stand guard or say, "I don't have time to play today fellas, have fun guys, catch ya next time" and promtly leave, so they can get at it quickly and move on.

    There are a few guys who get pissed off that this is going on, even though they used to play around and now they are just being pissy about it, and sit there like a day-old-fart and put a stink on about it, with their body language. As the messing around is rare and valued, I do not want to be one of those people. I can sit in the other sauna room for 3 minutes until they finish, no problem.

    As this usually happens only at certain times of the day, certain days, or when conditions are just right, you will know when it will be OK for a quicky, and when best to obstain. Most frisky men in there will not want to meet off site, though this has happened at times. They have complicated lives and this is an easy diversion, nothing else. Others have become good friends when I meet them in other circumstances and can strike up a conversation. Friendship or acquaintance-ship can go forward from there at times. At other times it can seem that it is "old home week" and we all just gab it up, have sex, or all know each other. I used to meet a guy each Tuesday for a hard swim and a quicky when the pool and facilities were empty. Some places I strike you as, "fuck, is EVERYONE in this club gay or ready to fool around?" This used to be especially true at the YMCA downtown, for example. There are clubs with certain reputations (well earned), that only men will know about, but that spouses or girlfriends will not be aware of. Men join them taking that into account to avoid or to welcome the attention. That is my experience here in a big city. Gay bath houses in Europe have a different dynamic and men go daily to bathe and get off after work. In an athletic club here, you have to be very discrete. Which can add to the fun. Use the resource wisely.

    I often say to friends when they ask if I know so-and-so, the following: "OH. Ah yes, HIM. I know him very intimately, but NOT well".

    Your Stimulus Package (Seattle)

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  17. I had the same thing happen when I was younger and very nervous. If you're into the guy, just try to relax and get comfortable. I couldn't get boned up until I felt I was in a safe situation. Once that happened, I was rock hard.

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