Thursday, July 28, 2011

Feminine

I had a reader ask me about a post I did recently about feminine guys.  The reader wants to know if feminine guys are just born that way or if they act feminine cuz that’s who they want to be. Interesting question.  I have no freakin clue.  Any of you guys?

20 comments:

  1. I knew a guy who was friends of a friend of mine. That guy was on the feminine side. He was tall, very good looking and in his early 20's In fact, he was studying fashion design. One day, I was told that he pushed his draft number to the front and went into the army. I saw him several months later after basic training. There was a big difference in him. He stood up straight, whereas, he use to try and hide his height. His voice also got deeper and he was what appeared to be a man's man. He was one handsome dude in and out of uniform. Our country should be very proud of him. If I had met him at a bar or a game, I would not have suspected that he was gay. Haven't seen him since he entered the service. I just hope that he survived Viet Nam.

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  2. Baby, they are born that way.

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  3. First I've known gay guys than ran the full spectrum from very fem to completely straight acting. But, there were 2 kids I've known since childhood that were slightly fem as very young kids. Too young, I would think, to know anything about sexual preference.
     
    One of the kids had older brothers and cousins who wouldn't let him hang around them cause he was younger and they didn't want to be bothered. Instead he hung out with the girls (closer to his age) and did "girl" stuff.  He grew up to be a pretty feminine acting gay man. Did he become more feminine acting as a result of hanging out with the girls or was that innate? Or would he have been feminine acting regardless?
     
    Another kid I knew was again the younger son. Older brother was very much the jock. Younger son not at all, slightly feminine acting boy who grew up to be gay.
     
    I can't believe that either of these guys "chose" to act femininely. But I've known lots of guys who's behavior is over the top, camp...now that appears to be an "act". I've never met a woman who acts more stereotypically "female".
     
    Any thoughts?

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  4. I knew a full colonel in the army who was very feminine. One of the smartest dudes I've worked for. Born that way would be my final answer. In gay pride activities, acting is part of the game.

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  5. I have no idea if effeminate traits are genetic, imprinted before or soon after birth, or acquired later in the emotional and social development timetable; however, I do know that both gays and str8 run the gamut of the masculine/feminine traits spectrum -- my guess, a bell curve greatly skewed towards our perception of masculine for str8 men and less skewed -- but still skewed -- towards masculine for gay men.

    The latest genetic research appears to indicate that there are at least 3 genes that contribute to homosexual propensity. In their absence, you're straight; in their presence, you might be, but are not necessarily gay. It could be that in the presence of those (and possibly other) genes, environment and nurture are contributing factors. Regardless, it is NOT a conscious choice. PERIOD. Regardless of the misinformed opinions of the [ir]religious reich.

    It may turn out that there are similar factors -- genetic, environmental and nurtured -- that contribute to the personality traits and mannerisms by which we traditionally define an individual as masculine or feminine.

    And then there are those outrageous drag queens . . . .

    ~ GaySatyr

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  6. You know, there's only one thing worse than two men fighting and that's two women fighting...

    except, there's only one thing worse than two women fighting and that's two gay men fighting...

    except, there's only one thing worse than two gay men fighting and that's two lesbians fighting...

    except, there's only one thing worse than two lesbians fighting and that's two drag queens fighting...

    and, believe you me, there is NOTHING worse than two drag queens fighting !!!

    ~ GaySatyr

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  7. There have also been studies at prisons where str men cross over and have sexual relationship. After they are let out of prison they go back to the str side.
    I have met gay guys, if they had not told me they were gay, I would not have known. I have met str guys who play and I can detect that they cross over.
    Recently, on this site someone mentioned that he worked with a guy who everyone in the office thought was gay and the guy was humping all of the girls. Go figure.
    In the past few years, I have met a lot of married guys who have kids and they cross over. One particular guy that I met online. We agreed to meet and I could not believe that he was not str. He's married, two kids and he is tall and super handsome. He goes both ways and likes it.
    It has been said, and said often. If two guys were on an island for six months, they would be doing one another. I guess that the same thing happens in a cell. To flirt. Flirt is a very interesting word. It's like the color of the rainbow, the sunrise and the sunset, and all the stars of the universe. I guess that people are the same way.
    bj.
    p.s. It must be something to see two drag queens fight. Man, wouldn't that make for a wrestling match show. Heels and bras flying here and there
    and both of them hung like bulls.

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  8. So in the presence of some genetic predetermining factors do you believe that nurture and or environment is the deteminant? How about attractions and how they develop? Can someone go "off course" because of some earlier influence? Are the things that turn us on fixed or as seems more likely shift over time?

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  9. If you're asking whether or not a person is born gay or if it's a choice, that's easy to answer. I've never heard one gay person say they chose to be that way. Some learn to accept who they are better than others.

    But as to being effiminate, that has to be a learned behavior. I understand some guys are more masculine than others. But the extremely feminine guy with the over-the-top gay lisp speech didn't get passed on from their parents.

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  10. No. Not a choice; but genetic predetermination I think explains some but not all. It has to be more complex than that. Of course it's not a "choice" in that sense but I've known people who have had their sexuality shift over time. Genetics alone simply cannot explain the myriad ways that sexuality is expressed.

    I agree with the extremely over the top fem behavior but what about the more subtle behavior. Sure I've met plenty of guys (and gay women for that matter) that I could tell nothing about their sexuality from their mannerisms but I have met at least an equal number where you can. Early influence? Learned? Innate? All of the above?

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  11. Anon in previous post makes a good point about the complexity of this topic. The piece of the complexity that is missing from this conversation is that it's not a dichotemy, it's a spectrum. Some of us live, not by choice, in the gray zones in the middle of the spectrum. It's wonderful but also confusing. There is no "crossing over"; it's a long, winding road through all kinds of territory and there is no guidebook.

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  12. Sorry but the answer is both. Some are born that way. Some choose to act that way. Some are both born that way and choose to act that way. And some are neither. Just like sexuality, behavior comes in all forms and all reasoning behind it. There isn't one answer box that you can shove everybody in.

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  13. I think historically, before gay liberation and equality, over-the-top, very camp behaviour was a way of defining yourself as gay, for some men. Sometimes if you are told you don't belong, you're not normal, a way of dealing with that is to say, fuck you, this is what I am and if it upsets you that much I'll be even MORE gay. If was also a way of finding others like yourself. But ultimately, as others have suggested, I think sexuality and femininity/masculinty are barely related. And we are born with both. Upbringing/environment only influence how we deal with it.

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  14. Born that way. Who would choose to be effeminate? I like and hang out with big muscular masculine dudes (gay and straight). But I have had to learn to totally accept my effeminate gay brothers. We are all in the same boat in fighting for equality. And just because I have my way of acting and my taste in men. I am different. I am queer. So who am I to judge others. I admit I find some effeminate behavior obnoxious, But I accept it and give the more femmy dudes my respect. They are my brothers.

    BENCHPECS

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  15. This thread just made me realize something: As a gay man, I can easily accept any type of man (anywhere on the feminine to masculine spectrum) as gay. BUT, when I see a feminine straight man I become confused and often think he just hasn't come to terms with his sexuality... what a hypocritical way of thinking on my part. If I expect acceptance as a gay man, I should accept anyone else for their sexuality regardless of how they act.

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  16. Anon 9:52
    I kinda feel the same way. In the end everyone has their struggles but we have way more in common (gay straight men or women) than what separates us...Thanks for the reminder

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  17. Seriously? NO ONE is going to point out that 100 effeminate guys might be that way for 100 different reasons? C'mon u fags and fag wannabes, at least TRY not to generalize about groups of people when you'd be offended by that being done to you.

    It was a dumb question, with dumb answers. Scott deserves a good spanking.

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  18. Anon 438
    Such hostility. I think most comments said exactly that. Perhaps not in those words. How is it Scott's fault if u disagree? He said it wasn't his question

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  19. No they didn't, it's his blog, and besides, he likes getting a spanking.

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  20. http://faeries.forumup.us/index.php?mforum=faeries

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