Monday, August 8, 2011

Mentor

Ok so for all you really smart guys out there that always seem to know the answers, figure this 1 out for me.  Ready? I’m mid 40s, but I’ll bet you have a hard time finding a mid-40s guy on my blog.  They’re all 20s and early 30s.  So that’s gotta be sorta my perfect specimen.  But if I could go back to my 20s and do the shit I do now, I’d absolutely want an older guy (late 30s and 40s) to sorta mentor me along.  Why is that?

66 comments:

  1. Well I am 50, so there is one old guy on your blog... Haven't figured out why I like it but read it daily. Guess I am curious about the whole sexuality continuum. I have always believed that you are gay or straight, and then choose to live where you are most comfortable.. IE all the confusion.. I think people want mentors because when growing up, people don't talk about sucking dick as it is taboo so you don't learn behaviors from anyone... If the topic wasn't taboo and you could go to teachers, counselors peers etc and talk freely about man on man sex, there wouldn't be all these bullying issues etc... Happy to mentor you with questions... Not the most articulate guy but have a lot of life experience......

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  2. Well I am in my 40"s Scott,(you insulted us) lol... so first I'll have to go in the bathroom and have a good cry, and then I will come back and answer your question..

    SJ

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  3. I am in my late 50s. Have I been on the wrong site all these years? I also need a mentor but I would settle for someone younger. Seems like EVERYONE is younger now.

    DP

    Damn, I cannot lie here, I am 60 but still in denial!

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  4. Scott: Sounds like you a need a new poll to figure out the demographics of your readership. I'm 48. Maybe we still act like we are in out 20s and 30s and that's fooled you.

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  5. But my BF is 24 so I must be doing something right! Then again, I am his first BF so maybe he doesn't KNOW what I am doing wrong.

    DP again

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  6. A mentor is finding someone who has life's experience and characteristics that you feel are necessary for you. It's like a book. There's a cover on the front and on the back. You will become part of that book. Some of the chapters will become part of your life.
    bj

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  7. I think Scott is referring to the pics on the site being younger guys not his readers'demographics...

    I think you post pics of guys you're attracted to and I think they represent you at what you consider your prime. In your mid 40's you're realizing that you'll never be there again. Maybe that's part of your m/m fascination...an attempt to re-capture that time?

    The older mentor is obvious. Late 30's and 40's can still be hot but with some life experience under their belts, something to teach. also.

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  8. Scott, it's only August, I know you meant to post this on April 1, 2012...

    We forgive your faux pas, unless you real intent is to start weeding us out?

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  9. I am upper 40's Scott.

    As far as the mentor thing goes, I don't know the reason for it, but you're absolutely right. It has always been this way. The ancient Greeks called this "Pederasty" and it was a practiced social norm in that culture and many others.


    My theory is that guys want an older brother/mentor type in their lives to show them the ropes, and I think there's more to it than that. I don't think most of us feel close enough to our fathers that we are comfortable asking anything or even getting real close.

    With a mentor though, it's a different story. A mentor provides an opportunity for a different bond than we've had before. We're free to ask and learn and explore. It's both practical and hot.

    In today's society I don't think the age of the mentor is as important i.e. a mentor may be younger or older, but just more knowledgeable and experienced.

    Glad you brought this up because its important and its going on all the time, dude. We need it regardless of gay, str8, bi. The Greeks didn't even understand the concept of gay, str8, bi.

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  10. I am 73. I mentor a number of men all across the age range. I think what I best "teach" or "model" -- I don't know how I do it -- is the creation of a safe-place relationship in which a man can explore his ever-increasing self-acceptance.

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  11. Having a mentor, Scott is like having a How to book. Let me know when you want to start lol

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  12. Scott, in the movie/book "Troy", Achilles (Brad Pitt) is assigned his younger cousin as a trainee. It's hard to know the exact familial relationship because the word "cousin" can mean many things. Point is, Achilles was assigned the younger kid as a trainee in all manner of thigs. Same exact thing we're talking about here.

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  13. Let's see I just did 30 push ups, 10 chin-ups, run 1 mile, looked in the mirror (not bad), and still will hit the gym tonight, I am in my 40's, have sex on a regular basis, am I qualified to answer the question?

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  14. 56 here and check this blog daily...and sometimes on weekends cuz the occasional new post does show up from time to time!

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  15. Scott as Gomer Pyle would say, "Shame, shame, shame", if I have to tell you who he is, then I guess your right, I am too old for this blog.

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  16. When I was a 22yo new to NYC I met a 40yo+ guy who became a mentor not just sexually but business, networking, being a good person and not the arrogant dumbass jock I was at the time. Always grateful for his patience and knowledge. I wish more men would be good mentors to younger guys str8 or gay or whatever. Not just about the sex.

    MattB

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  17. when i was early 20, i look for mature man mostly around 30-40 because they are so calm and relax. foreplay is a must compared to young one. They are all rough man...i like it sometimes but mostly mature guy pampered young boy with words and touch.and now i'm 30........hahaha and i start to look for young boy, and enjoy their energy...goshhhhhhhhh that was heaven!!

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  18. I was remembering the other day that when I was 16-18 yrs. I wanted an older guy 30's to show me stuff, what to do etc. The only guy I could ask questions to was my cousin 1 yr. older. But he wasn't really into what I wanted to try. I TOO Scott would love to go back knowing what I know now !
    Nate

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  19. I'm 47 and I have several older guys who I look to for mentoring. And by "mentoring", it's not just sexual. Older guys know their shit in what ever area you need mentoring!
    Celt

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  20. Perhaps your readers are skewing older than you thought, Scott. I'm 56 and never miss your blog. Mentors just have more experience and know what feels good.

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  21. That is a very good point Celt,anonymous at 10:23 AM, I would ever go further and say mentoring is far more important for those other areas in life, like your job, how to be a better parent, life's lessons, etc, etc, then the subject of sex, to be honest that comes almost naturally.

    SJ

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  22. We're looking for the dad (most of us) didn't have when we were younger.
    Artful1

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  23. I don't know about most of your guys, but when I 45, get interest for a younger guy 25, and we hook up, there is a bit "I've still got it" attitude. I may be at the crest of my life, but someone 20 yrs my junior find me desirable.

    I've meet guys my own age or older, but for the most part, other guys my age haven't kept themselves in shape like I have, and younger guys find that attractive.

    Also, thank god for "daddy issues"

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  24. Ach. We're too youth obsessed in this country. But, yeah, I agree with much of what's been said. If you're young and looking for an older guy, it's because you want to tap the wisdom and experience he may have to offer - and not necessarily (as Scott indicated in his comment @10:45) for sexual tips.
    Though I MUST argue about sex coming naturally to us. Yes, the base of it is purely animal instinct. It's the finer points where we all could use some help and instruction. Otherwise we founder and struggle, and don't get the full joy and pleasure that is possible.

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  25. I'm 59, pretty active: physically, socially and sexually. I seem to attract younger gay guys (25-40) and straight guys who want to try it out.
    But I have a hard time with the title 'Dad'...maybe I should think 'mentoring'.

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  26. Another old guy here (61 in four days, sigh). It's because as a 40's something you actually know the value of a mentor. A young guy wouldn't necessarily know he needs a mentor since he seems to know everything. It's only as you look back that you understand what you have to offer. And it's not just sex, but life lessons. Some days you sound like you DO need an older mentor too.

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  27. Whkattk,

    Practice makes perfect. As long as we keep trying , we will improve.

    DP

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  28. lol.. so is a "Sugar Daddy" the same thing as a mentor? Hell why not be taught a few things about sex and get some $$$$ at the same time..

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  29. Hell Scott, your readers are all from the old folks home. No wonder they express such wisdom. Even in your forties, you have plenty of mentors in their sixties to keep you on the straight and narrow. On by the way 75 here. 76 next month. LOL

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  30. 50 here Scott! Love your blog and really happy to read the posts above. Nothing better than teaching a younger guy how much pleasure his body can offer. The Greeks had all this figured out already btw. A guy I hooked up with many times when I was in my 30s is now happily married and a father of three. We still talk and remain buddies without benefits. Our friendship remained after the exploration ended. It's nice when it works out that way.

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  31. But speaking of hot damn pictures, I wouldn't mind being either guy in that picture. Wow!

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  32. I never played with another guy until I hit 60 and that was 3 years ago. I am still fit and go to the gym 3 times a week. I have met all ages clear down to age 25. But what I am looking for is a guy in his 30's who has a sexual expertise and I can trade my other wisdom for a friends with benefits type thing. So the age of a mentor does not really matter, it is the experience that matters.

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  33. with someone younger there's always this need to prove something. with a peer, there's generally competition. as a teen i was attracted to men in their 30's & 40's. generally they have self-confidence (which can be very sexy)and greater sexual experience which they were all too happy to share with me. i never felt awkward asking a question and i always felt i could "be myself." everyone should have at least one sexual sensei.
    cheers!

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  34. I'm 49, Scott, but I assumed you were much younger. I created my first ever Adam4Adam profile last month when I was in another city for a week.

    Of the six guys who responded to my profile, four of them were 28 - 30 years old. (and I hooked up with one of them) WHY??? Why would a young guy be interested in an old fart like me?

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  35. Buddy Bear,

    I think I am offended that you called 49 "old fart" age. Kids born when I was 49 have completed puberty ( and many are sexually active).

    Don't worry, I don;t offend easily. I just feel like I SHOULD be offended! LOL

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  36. I'm now 60 (a couple of months ago) and still going strong. Unfortunately, most of my contemporaries who were once quite happy with me and my attentions, now want someone much younger. How sad....

    I've gotten much less aggressive as I've gotten older. Many younger guys resent it. However, I've discovered that there are still quite a few who are perfectly happy to play around. My "reticent" interest seems to be the just about perfect approach. They don't feel threatened, put upon or exploited.

    With str8 jocks, I give them the same lusting look they give busty blonde bimbos; then I ignore them. Drives them up the wall. Next thing you know, they are begging me.

    ~ GaySatyr

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  37. I am 47, and hooked up this weekend with a 22 year old who saw my profile and pic on Adam4Adam and couldn't wait to get together with me. He told me I gave him the best suck and rim jobs he ever had and came like a champ, and then returned the favor. He told me I am very hot, that I have a very talented mouth, and he left a happy guy. Old, schmold, I still got it!

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  38. I'd rather BE a mentor than have one.

    I'm only 25 though. But I don't know; I AM at that age where you just begin to feel the pressure to be a real proper grown-up. "Teaching" some nice younger men sure might help relieve some of that stress. :D

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  39. TO Anonymous at 3:44. I don't actually think I'm an "old fart" at 49... it was a tongue and cheek comment. But I have to say, it felt weird having sex with a guy only a few years older than my oldest child. But, oh... the energy of youth! His rock-hard erection!!

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  40. 43 here. I don't feel old. I enjoy the blog because it confirms that no one has all the answers in their life. It also reminds me of some of my early exploits.

    Txchas

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  41. Buddy Bear,

    Tone is hard to convey over these comments. I had sex with a guy who was TEN years YOUNGER than my only child.....but he needed a mentor! His rock hard erection was delightful but his technique was inexperienced.

    Anon at 3:44

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  42. ok, here's a question for the 40-somthing crowd. I am forty something. I have no need for an e.d. drug. But I see that shit being advertised all over the place to all kinds of ages. I always though e.d. drugs were just for older guys (60+) who could not get an erection. But are young guys taking these drugs just to get a harder erection and to stay up longer? Is that safe?

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  43. Anon 8:12p

    You'd be surprised at the number of younger men who have trouble getting and maintaining an erection. It is said that your ability to get and keep and erection is a good early indicator of your vascular health. Erection troubles can be an early warning sign that something is amiss. And ED can start absolutely start in the 40's.

    As far as safety, talk with your physician. There can be medication interactions and people with certain conditions should not take the drugs. Other people have awful side effects and simple can't take the meds. But a good number of people tolerate the meds just fine. And some men take them that don't have ED for the obvious reasons.

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  44. I was 18 and a sophmore in college and a handsome professor (I mean adonis had nothing on him) became my lover. I never had a better lover or a more beautiful body to touch since. He was fifty eight and looked thirty five tops. He was widowed and no one knew about him and I. He was from a generation that never considered being open sexually. I'm 53 now and I never saw him as a mentor as I was totally in love with him. After college I returned home to start my career and only saw him a few more times over the years before he pasted away at 90. He wrote me one though and told me I was the only male lover he had ever had and cherished the time we spent together because he learned to live again after his wife had past. He said I taught him to love again.

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  45. Anon at 8:12,

    I know little about Pharmaceutical induced erection....only what I have learned from TV...but I often say I am happy that I don;t need any pharmaceutical help yet.....yet. I am 60 and have only one ONE incident in my life where my cock was not playing well with others. On the contrary, it is ready even when I am not! So far.

    DP

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  46. I don't need an e.d. drug. I just don't understand why the pharma companies push them so hard and why there are seemingly so many men who do need them. Many of the gay/bi/straight blogs out there have big E.D. drug ads on them. I don't understand.

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  47. Scott - seems you struck a nerve with us older guys! I am just 61, married 30 years and have only been seeing a guy for about a year. Indeed, he is 51, gay, and my mentor. It is a terrific arrangement being taught all things about the other side. And I do feel like a teenager again! It has transformed my life! Still I constantly dream of being with a hot and hairy 30-40 yo guy!

    Tom from Cleveland

    P.S. Maybe you should do another poll on your reader's age!

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  48. me, 44 (you, Jane).

    Labels and labels and labels. I don`t look for younger guys, I don`t feel we would have a good exchange in general. But I could be surprised by a nice guy wanting to be with me, right? When I was 17 I had a lover 11 years older than me and another one like 13 years older than me. They just turned me on. Some years ago, say when I was about to become 40, I`ve had this 50 something lover and we had a great time. So, I don`t sign in for this 'mentoring' shit.

    liked you brought the issue any way...

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  49. I have enough trouble keeping mini-me constrained as is. Had he the added enhancement of those little blue pills, I'd probably be arrested for all the trouble he'd cause.

    My alter ego might not be quite as enthusiastic and athletic as he was forty years ago; but he more than holds his own against those of men half his age.

    And, lucky me! I get carried along for the ride without having to worry about headaches, possible blindness, and/or post 4-hour inflationary trips to the ER (not to mention not having to bother with the expense or having to wait 30 minutes for the damned things to take effect).

    ~ GaySatyr

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  50. I am reading the posts, but I still have trouble having to equate the great meaning of the word mentor to sex.

    Geez just get together with Mrs. Robinson, she will teach you, just ask where she hides the cupcakes.

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  51. I think Scott who may not express himself as accurately as he might wish sometimes, though endearingly enough, was referring the to age of the pictures guys he posts here, which is to say, guys he likes, who are younger than he.

    Those who can, do; those who are can't or are just afraid to, watch and comment.

    I take Prozac and have done for 15 years, when I was 56, and from the first mg I had sexual side effects, as the docs say politely. The more mg, the worse the lack of erection, interest, etc. Lately, Prozac is unchanged but noticed further deterioration. So I've been experimenting with Levitra, which is cheapest at Kaiser. It works very well for me.

    Jason the Geek and Info Junkie.

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  52. Above comment regarding can/do is not directed at Scott or present company, but to myself.

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  53. I was 25 and had played the field for years. He was 23 and pretty much a neophyte.
    Our auras touched –we fell in love. Three minutes later we were introduced and fell in love. That was fifty-eight years ago and we are still happily together. We have mentored each other, and continue doing so today. We posed as brothers, (think of the era – ‘50s) and only came out completely thirty years ago.

    Frequently men of various ages have been drawn to us and we to them. We let them know that though we may be attracted, we will not be trying to get in their pants. About once a year a young man of twenty or thirty will let one of us know he would like to be mentored. Most men just want to acknowledge what it is they are feeling, and look to the greater tribe to do so. Almost all want to be touched and/or held. We have formed a few long lasting friendships with guys from the gym or Starbucks. Sometimes strangers (women included) will approach our table and ask to speak with us for a few minutes. The secret is in caring with a smile and being open about your own feelings.

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  54. Jason_m, I understand what you're saying. I took another SSRI (similar to Prozac) for many years. If I hadn't been able to treat the depression, who knows what might have happened. I had to take the SSRI. I was not smart enough to try an e.d. drug though to counteract the side effects of the SSRI. I just lifed with the side effects. Good for you and thanks for sharing that because a lot of people don't know these things.

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  55. My family lived on a military base when I was 15, 16. I fantasized about the "older and mature" mid-20's soldiers on base and how one of them might take me in hand and show me what was what. It never happened, and I never found that mentor, although I myself have become one more than once. - Breezyknees

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  56. haha am i the only 22 year old that reads this blogg??Well in my situation i am 22 in the guy i am seeing is older his 27, before i had met him i never found older guys hott,,but now that i am living on my own n see how hard life can be, and i see him a successful young business guy it made me want to be with him because of how smart n how his got a good future ahead of him,,, n now when i see a guy around mny age that doesnt know what to do with his life, kind of a turn off.. i need someone thats smart and has lived!! also his my best lover so far

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  57. JAmes,

    You are OT the only 22 yo but yo sure make me feel bad when you talk about 27 as "older"

    LOL

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  58. Yeah, James. Only a 22 year old would consider 27 "older". Wait a while. Pretty soon 45 will seem damned young!

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  59. Oh yes James you have a lot to learn about life and I an not just talking about sex.

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  60. 23 here and my father and i have the best relationship... spoke with him a week ago about my new found love for leather bars. Apparently, pain for him does not equal an amazing orgasm. Most of my friends are 5yrs or so older, and i find myself dating men in the same age range due to tempermant more than anything else... in short they seem to have their shit together.

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  61. Scott, I'm in my early 50s and you've seen my recent pic.. you know you can run anything by me and you've shared some thoughts with me already. It's all good.. and I'm surprised.. I thought you were mid 20s.. that you're 40 is cooler... with I were local and could show you how good it all feels....

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  62. Scott, I was 28 when I admitted to myself out loud that I wanted to try gay sex... other than ONE time growing up when my uncle showed me the joys of men jerking off together, I had a basic straight upbringing. I was 28, out of two relationships with women, never forgetting my one time with my uncle and feeling sophisticated enough to try gay sex.. and I tried it and liked it.. and tried it again and again.. and I was hooked in a good way.. so much hotter than the heterosex I was having...

    Sometime within the first two years of coming out, I gained the friendship of an outstanding man in his 40s, named Phil Mills, who became my mentor.. he was a business owner in my town (bar/restaurant) and we became best buddies.. he showed me the great trhings aboiut being a free gay man.. we'd go to NYC and Atlantic City, Philadelphia and have fun and enjoy driving back home and sharing our experiences... he really really got my head squared away and I'll never forget what he gave to me.. we were not lovers but good friends.. we knew each other for maybe 2 years.. I moved away from PA to Wisconsin and fell out of being in contact with him... after that he moved to SF and AIDS got him. I don't mind tell you his name since he passed away. I am so grateful for the knowledge and outlook he imparted to me.

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  63. it was simple: the older guys new just what to do and the young ones were at once naive and too self-absorbed. older guys appreciate the moment's rarity.

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  64. I Personally Think It's so Fucking Hot to See Some big hairy MAN on his Forties Fucking hard a young(Early 20's) Pretty boy! WOOF! SOOO FUCKING EROTIC! I do not like to Watch a Pretty and young Girl with an older Dude instead.. That's not what I Dig! And I'm Bi(Obviously!)..lol

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  65. I turning 40 this year and still prefer older guys.

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