Wednesday, September 7, 2011

It IS A Big Deal

I’ve tried this before but since I’m signing out I’m gonna try it again.  I’ve taken a fair amount of shit for being too cautious, for not doing more sex stuff with guys.  So I guess I can understand where you guys are coming from.  If a 40 yr old guy told me he wanted to have sex with a woman but hadn’t Id be on him like stink on shit.  JUST FUCKIN DO IT YOU SHITHEAD!  But here’s the thing.  And you won’t like it.  I was brought up thinking man to man sex was bad.  Deviant.  Like there’s something sexually wrong with you.  I bet my ass a lot of curious guys who read this blog think the exact same fucking thing.  Maybe if your gay you come to terms with yourself early in life.  Or it’s just part of who you are so man to man sex is no big deal.  But to a guy like me ------ I gotta tell you man ----- this stuff I done is a pretty big deal.  I remember the first time a guy saw my boner (during a massage).  I was like damn I can’t believe I did that.  I remember being at a vid booth and the window opening up and knowing another guy was watching my pump my meat.  Now I look back and think wholly shit there are 3 guys out there who I’ve sucked there dicks.  So here’s the message.  I know you guys think a lot of this stuff me and other curious guys have done is peanuts, but to a straight guys whose grown up in a shell, this is pretty big stuff.  We might not ever be as sexually developed and brave as you, but to us it’s a pretty big deal. 


  1. Make no mistake Scott, your journey is just right for you. Another way of putting it that our sexual journeys are as different as the shape/size of our cocks. What you have done or haven't done is up to you, look at us as cheer leaders urging you to open up to more possibilities not putting you down.


  2. Scott, I agree with you completely. I'm 49, recently out and I had my first sexual experience with a guy (28 year old hottie!!) two months ago.

    Any experienced gay guy might have found my hookup very plain vanilla, boring even. But I found the intense kissing, exchanging of simple blowjobs and cuddling afterwards the most intensely satisfying, sensual experience of my entire life.

  3. Scott,
    I read what you wrote. I want to share something with you. I too grew up thinking that the same sex thing was taboo. I grew up in the church. Everyone I knew was straight. I didn't understand the feelings that I had. At one time, I thought of getting rid of myself. I worked, I struggled, I was alone and I went to school. I persisted in life and it wasn't easy. It's still not easy. My friends were all straight! Must say, some of them fucked around and I fucked around with them. It's not easy being as we are, but that's how it is. You are at an avenue now. Recently,I have suspected that something is wrong in your life. It's like your lite for life is dimming. You are closing this blog for reasons known only unto you.
    For those who want to see you, including me. Don't do it.It's a wish that we may have. I hope that you never show you on any site. You are cool as you are. I will also add, you are a man who has balls. Balls, meaning strength. I would also like to add, we who read this wonderful innocence writing of yours, we thank you.
    It's not easy, babe. It's not easy for those guys who want to be with guys and live in a straight world. Try living in a straight world and being gay. How do you think that you would treat that person in an office situation, or at a party. You would stay away from them, for fear of association. You are a good man, Scott.
    I have said this before and I will say it again, I will protect your back, and I mean that. I think that you are one cool guy. I wish that I were like YOU!!!!
    I wish that I could put my arms around you, as a friend and say, hey guy, it's going to be all right.
    P.S. I'm worried about you. I probably won't sleep well this night, because I am worried about you. I send you one big frigging bear hug!
    Sweet dreams.

  4. Amen. Yep, it IS a big effing deal.

    Same boat as Scott,

  5. It's all fun and games till someone gets a dick in their face.

  6. Scott: I get that its a big deal to you. I also get that IT shouldn't be a big deal to anyone. What happens sexually between consenting adults shouldn't be a big deal to anyone. It's only the stuff we were brought up to believe, one way or the other, that creates hang-ups about what we can do or how we should feel about a situation. If you can get beyond the crap -- you'll be a lot more free to enjoy life with your wife or fuck buddy. Whatever works for you.

  7. Scott,

    You are every guy I dated growing up. I suspect your background is my background. I have never doubted for one minute that this is indeed one very, very big deal. When I first started reading your blog I was pissed. "Another asshole cheating on his wife". But I continued to read. IDK, perhaps there was something in your "voice" that I heard. I'm glad I did because you have impressed me over and over with the way you've handled yourself.

    You're not a "deviant". What you feel isn't wrong. But you picked your path long ago. Honoring that commitment is not being a pussy. Where I come from it's called being a man.

    You've got class, my man. Keep doing what you're doing and if you get to a bad place, ask for help. Cultivate a few trusted individuals who understand, won't judge you and support the commitment you've made.

    Godspeed, Scott. If your family understood the hard choices you've made for them they would be mighty proud.


  8. I more or less echo the other comments, except from the point of view of someone who understands where you are, but who hasn't crossed that line (not that you crossed it all that far). I appreciate your sharing your thoughts & experiences. Whether you want to continue sharing your journey is up to you. It could be a journey back to where you began, "and to know the place for the first time." I think TS Eliot said that.

  9. Hey Scott!

    Do you really care what most people think? I hope you can really answer - 'Hell no'! And that means the folks that would give you shit for sucking dick and those who think you need to be wearing a leather harness (remembering that made you chub - didn't it?) and getting plowed in the ass. You need to do what makes you comfortable.

    I'm a 50 yo gay man; who really only started having sex with men about 5 years ago (and I don't do anal at all). Does that mean I'm a bad a gay man? Nope. It means that I am me. The only man who can fill your boxers is you. I still hear the voice in my head head that tells me while I'm sucking a dick or getting mine sucked by some guy that I'm in the fast lane to hell. But it is quieter. I know that I was made to be the way I am. Yep, there are still folks that would call me a deviant - but I can't listen to them - as much as I can't listen to the folks that insist I have a rainbow flag tattooed on my ass. I have to make my own way. And that is what you are still struggling with.

    My advice (the same I keep saying to you) is that you need to be patient and gentle with yourself about this journey. Yep, you're a meathead. But that is part of your cro-magnons charm. You may have come as far as you are going or you may go farther yet. That is up to you and ONLY YOU!

    I admire your bravery in sharing this wild ride with us. You make me laugh and think. And the pics often make my day. But you need to do what is best for you - and damn the rest. You know how to get in touch if need anything.

    Mark from Pittsburgh

  10. We're all for the same reason, and that is our curious/bi/whatever nature creates inner conflict that we have to deal with. Our lives are often very difficult because we do have the ability to think and feel in more than one "direction". It does involve hard choices. And sometimes no matter what we do we feel like we've made the wrong choice. We're here to get that off our chests, and one of the ways we do that is by teasing each other. Sometimes teasing can go a little too far, and maybe there is a lesson to be learned here that we need to be careful about that.

    Right now is one of those difficult times guys, but I know we all support each other.

  11. I`ll miss your posts and the horny pics. And regret not knowing you (and/or sucking your dick)... sexual orientation`s ownership is one of the most important and political things in this world. It is about freedom on a wider perspective. And at the same time it is no big deal... I hope you are a happier man today than you were before blogging. Cheers!
    (from Brazil)

  12. Scott,

    I love you...even though we have never met and i am not hot for your body. I am intrigued by your mind and have only become more intrigued over the years of your blog. You are honest and you know some of your beliefs are shit. You are also a married father and that is more important than anything else. I for saw the day when you would need to choose between this blog and your family. If that is why you are leaving, you made the right choice. Remember, if you ever need ANYTHING.....I mean anything (and I am not alluding to sex), contact me and I will be a support.

    I love you like a brother.


  13. Scott,

    PS..We KNOW it was a big deal for you and you are a big man to live this and share it.


  14. I would like to hear from men who live (or have lived) in other cultures. In comparison, are American men more "hung up" about sex? I did just read that three men in Iran were put to death for having gay sex. The Catholic church was very instrumental in my thinking about sex-that sex was generally something "bad" (ie, outside of marriage). I've heard about our country's puritanical approach to sex, but I wonder if it's just "talk"? If it's true, then why is gay sex considered bad, but sex out of marriage less so, why is acceptable for straight men to have one or more mistresses? I thought marriage was considered one of the founding principles of church teachings? Is it "wrong" for a gay couple to be monogamous, just because they're gay?

  15. Wow, on the pity pot Scott, Geez most of us have been very supportive too you, kidding around with you... but most of us always do say to you... only do what you want and in your own time..

    Com-on, you dangle a carrot in front of us with your blog and now your crying in your soup, not really like you...

    btw, nice pic, or don't you even want to hear that anymore.....


  16. I'm a 60 y/o gay male who grew up despising myself for being evil: being attracted to other males. I had a miserable childhood. I though people like me were sent away and put to death. I didn't realize that there were others guys like me actually living in society until I left my small town and went to a large state university. Even then, the guys I saw whose sexuality I figured out were guys I totally didn't want to be like. I contemplated suicide on more than a dozen occasions and actually tried once. I stole the "pill collection" of a friend's mother -- some dozen assorted varieties of tranquilizers -- and downed them all: nearly 200 pills. In about an hour I was in a drugged sleep locked in my dorm room over Christmas break where I was unlikely to be found for two weeks. Unfortunately -- at least, to my way of thinking at the time -- about an hour later, I was violently ill, regurgitating most of what I had swallowed. I was pretty ragged for several days but I pulled through. I've never told anyone about my suicide attempt before now.

    Nearly ten years later, in my early 30's, I finally sought help. It took another ten years for me to finally accept myself. My family now know that I am gay but refuse to acknowledge it -- it's an embarrassment to them. I've had a few affairs, but none that have lasted more than a few months. And I'm now back in that same small town, caretaker to elderly parents who still hope I'll come to my senses if my "condition" is ignored long enough. As much as I love them, I can't wait for them to die. I'll leave the state -- maybe even the country -- and never look back.

    My life is what religious and societal bigotry produce. Could it have been different? Possibly. But it is what it is. I'm tied by family obligations and a duty that was ingrained from birth. I deal with the consequences in my own way.

    Scott and the many contributors to this blog, Thank you. The only stupid question is the one not asked. And the answers and discussions posted have been pearls of incomparable value.

    I understand the little steps. I've been there. I understand the great leaps, too. Each person must live his own life true to himself as best he can.

    Please, all of you, never allow the bigotry and hatred of others to define your life in any way. Their actions are worse than those of a murderer as he kills only ones body -- they destroy ones spirit: a far greater loss.

  17. Hey Scott,
    I usually don't write anything but, since your thinking about dropping the blog I figured I should say it before its too late Thank you, I'm 21 and I'm pretty sure I'm into women more but, I've always looked at guys too. My family has always told me that guys messin around together was wrong like you said in this blog posting. So, I've always thought I was kind of alone in these thoughts but, obviously I'm not and its your blog that showed me that. So thanks man, I'll miss this blog, awesome pics and you ask most of the questions I can't lol. But, I know exactly what this post is talking about and I hope that everything is cool with you like some people said before something seems up with you and I hope everything works out, what ever it is. So thanks again and good luck with everything

  18. I've never said it wasn't a big deal. It is, I can give you that, but that doesn't mean things can't change. Or that your attitude can't change.
    Obviously, things have changed for you over time, you've crossed lines you didn't think you would. Maybe now you're getting scared about crossing some other lines. Whatever it is, I can't stress enough that maybe you should get some professional advice/counsel to help you navigate some rough waters. I would think that your job offers some sort of EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that'd provide a few free sessions of therapy (confidentially) or seek out a sympathetic counselor who will work with you on fees and schedule until you feel comfortable to admit you are going.
    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but these feelings will not go away. Try to imagine if you were never able to play around with a guy again. Could you really picture a life like that? Would you be happy? It really is a personal choice all of the curious guys will have to make, probably over and over again, until you make the decision to live your authentic life.
    I know, the traditional, 'str8' guys out there who just happen to fool around on the side will probably blow a big raspberry right now, the fag's talking about feelings and shit, but it takes introspection and being honest with yourself about who and what you are and how you feel. It may not be as simple or black and white as saying I'm straight or I'm gay. Life seldom is so clear cut, this is a messy subject and sorting out these feelings is not going to be simple, especially if there are other people involved-wives, kids, girlfriends, bosses, friends, etc. If there is any lesson to be learned by any of the curious guys out there, please don't get involved with others under false pretenses until you have sorted out your own life, you'd hate to be facing some of the issues I'd suspect that Scott is facing.
    I feel for you, dude, and I understand if you wanna quit the blogging. The internet'll still be here if you wanna come back or maybe just leave the blog up and visit when you can or feel like it. Not sure what the reason for closing it would be, unless you're tired of people telling you to just do it! I wish you luck and godspeed on your journey, wherever it may take you.


  19. Scott: You were brought up thinking man-to-man sex was bad. Those are the values of your parents, a generation before you. Clearly as a young impressionable child, many of us try to follow in the footsteps of our upraising. But you can also find your own path. You are not bound by the culture of your parents.

    After all this blogging, all the interaction with bi guys, curious guys, gay guys, do you still feel that gay sex is bad? It is more acceptable now and the next generation of adults, the kids of today will be coming into a more open world. So you can ride along . . . and not be ashamed of yourself.

  20. Scott

    I wish you well and hope you find peace on your sexual discovery. Can be some complicated shit and/or a whole lot of fun and fucking. Be good!

  21. Scott, I hope as you read the comments above, you will realize the tremendous amount of respect you have from so many of us. You are a good man who is struggling with some things, just like so many of us (I recently started counseling to deal with these same issues), and have used your blog as our own group therapy session. Can't imagine you a few years ago talking so openly and honestly as you did in this post. I'm proud of the way Big Scott and Little Scott have grown... aufan

  22. None of this is a statement about whether being gay or bi is good or bad. It's how being attracted to men fits in this one man's life. I would bet he would tell you that it doesn't fit well....

    If the blog helps keep it in control, he'll be back. But it just may be that talking about m/m sex every day, surfing gay porn for the best pics and thinking about topics for the next post make if harder to moderate his behavior. I don't know and I don't know if Scott knows.

    I do know that he needs to do what's best for him and his family. If he finds it's better when he blogs, he may be back. But if he's reached a place where he can deal without blogging then we need to wish him the best of luck and let him move on.

  23. Scott,
    If you read all of the replies as I have, you will realize that you are not alone.
    I remember that old saying about problems. If we could throw them up and into a tree, we would still grab for our own. I have read here where others have problems much greater than I have had. How I admire all of you for having the balls to go on with life.
    I think that today, we should all make a nicer day for someone. I wish that I could make a nicer day for all of you.

  24. If there is one thing that keeps repeating here, and I agree, it's that you're here, on this journey, and making discoveries that are both eye-opening, horizon-expanding, and amazing to yourself. We've all crossed those bridges in some way or shape or form in our own lives, and anyone who puts you down because of the speed and pace at which you're traveling is a jackass (also, probably a little jealous of you). I don't know where you'll end up next, and I don't know what lies in store for your future, but as long as you keep to your guns, trust your guts, and do what feels right for you, you're going to be fine.

    I read you were going to wrap this blogging experiment up. I hope it has been good for you. I hope it has helped. I also hope you come back to it someday. I know I've enjoyed reading, and watching you learn about the things that excite you on the inside, even if they can't exist in your daily life.

    Be well.

  25. There was once a Scott who felt that running a blog would do him some good. And it did. Time changes things, including people. Now there is a "same but different" Scott who is not inclined to do a blog. I liked the Scott that was, and I like the Scott that is. - Breezyknees

  26. Scott, I'm 53 now and have been with about 6 guys only in the last 3 years. (Wanted to for nearly 30 years.) I'm married and have kids. It is a mental thing too...I know I had an attraction to guys as well as women. I enjoy both, and actually after having sex with guys, I am a better lover to my wife too. So mentally I came to terms that I am Bi.

  27. Scott,
    One question, would you do the guy in the
    I hope that this question brings a smile to you.
    If you would pass him up, let us know, and please give him my email address.

  28. Scott,

    After reading your entry again, I am struck by the idea that "We might not ever be as sexually developed and brave as you," is two different things. You are one of the bravest men I know and your sexual development is TOTALLY unrelated.

    SJ, This is hard for Scott as well as for us. I will miss our banter.


  29. Great post, Scott. I'm 40 and you just described my life and thoughts perfectly. It's nice to know I'm not alone; albeit, via the internet.

    Hey...MARK IN PITSBURGH... I want to chat with you again. How can I get in touch with you??




    there have been a lot of nice comments but i know there are a lot of guys out there who still haven't expressed what scott's blog has meant to you. this will be your last chance.

    it won't change anything. but i KNOW scott would love to know that you have been reading str8jock and that it's helped.

    thanks guys!

  31. Scott,
    You have defined "the issue". Society teaches us it is wrong. Then guys ask "am I the only one" or "what's wrong with me?" --- frankly there is nothing wrong with you --- the society is wrong. Society teaches us man on man sex either makes you unchristian or less of a man. Both are totally wrong. The Judeo-Christian tradition call man sex an abomination but it also says eating shrimp is an abomination. And if one has ever gone to a hard core gym you know there are big hyper macho dudes who are homos. It has been difficult for all (or most) of us to break through the wall. To acknowledge our driving desires acknowledge who we really are. I dated lots of women, was married, have a kid (who I love) and only switched teams after a divorce. I love being a card carrying homo now. I sexually love the male form, love man sex, and love the camaraderie and friendship and love of other men.

    But we all have to break though the sound barrier. And yeah I have some gay friends who are 100% gay and they have no choice. But if you are somewhere in the middle it can be difficult. I know I struggled with it for most of my life. I thought it would go away. It doesn't. Like steam the more you suppress it the stronger it gets. So yeah I think you should go for it. Do it. Experiment. I would hope the people on your blog have helped you realize that it is natural, healthy, and OK to enjoy man sex. You are not the only one. Frankly when I first switched teams I got a thrill out of eating the forbidden fruit, and belonging to a secret club. I will miss your blog I read it every morning and tried to contribute to it not just read it. Now I consider myself a full fledged homo. But was frustrated on the straight side of the fence for most of my life. My hope and wish for you is you that you get out there and experiment and explore and enjoy your natural attraction to men. Break through the barrier. Have fun and be your true self. Don't just talk about it. Sure stay safe and don't screw up your marriage. But be the man you really are, and unlike our society would want you to believe you are a real man.


  32. What Too many people are being "should" upon by church, society and family. Someday you will flop your sweaty body on one side of the bed trying to catch your breath after the best, mind blowing, sexual experience of your life and you will know that this is something you've been missing and want to experience again. Until then just be who you are: a curious person in search of self discovery. You've been told who you should be. How's that working for you? Hopefully if you've gotten anything from this blog it is that you aren't the first one to make this journey and you won't be the last. Be who you are, be real. There are too many of the other kind in this world. We're all rooting for you. Thanks for sharing.

  33. Scott,
    I am older than you, married, Catholic, and have all the same feelings you do. I only started messing around with guys about 3 years ago. I have read this blog from the start and like many others was relieved to find I was not alone. I have tried many years at a time to squelch these feelings but they always come back. As I get older, I think the feelings get more intense. For many years in a row, I felt I could deal with them in my fantasy world and my own hand but these feelings will not go away no matter how hard I will them to. I have dealt with the guilt by compartmentalizing and saying to myself that God made me this way, I didnt pick it. I do have to say it has made me appreciate my wife and I love her more than if I had never cheated.
    We would all love to hear from you occasionally so why not keep the blog up just for the random postings? Anyway have a great life, you have helped me a lot.

  34. I have lived my life as a straight and had very limited sexual experiences with guys growing up. As 14 years olds, my buddies and I use to jackoff together. At 18, I got my first blowjob from a guy in his forties who was a friend of the family. That freaked me out totally. Was totally straight from then on until age forty four and started going to vid booths for an occasional blowjob. Finally decided I wanted to give one too and have given many since. Still married and don't plan to change anything though I have stopped my gay sex activities. Still like the studs and glad I had the experience. We only go around once. hal

  35. Well I'm a gay man turning 60 this month. Been out since I was 21 and have never had intercourse with a woman. I've been with a few but never all the way. I'm fully content as the individual I turned out to be and my life has been wonderful. My husband and I are together 14 years now, but I must tell you, I wonder what it is like to be inside a woman! I would like just once to be able to experience the feeling so I know. Don't think it will ever happen due to various reasons particularly my husband and my own fear. So bottom line human sexuality is so fluid. Good luck to you Scott, you are interesting read.

  36. Scott - I learned a long time ago that letting other people live my life for me is counter-productive and potentially destructive to my life.
    I grew up roman catholic and was told what to do and what not to do as well as how all the guilt and shame of the church would rain down on me if I didn't comply. When I really gave it some deep thought, I realised it was all bullshit. I rejected how others would try to live MY life and began to live my OWN life. I haven't looked back and I'm much happier for it.
    Think on that for a bit. We make our own happiness. Those trying to control you will never allow you to be happy - that's how they control after all.

    Additional food for thought. Men have multiple sex organs. We have a sex organ between our ears, one (or 3 if you count his two buddies) between your legs, as well as parts elsewhere depending on the man. All these organs need to play as a team for the fullest enjoyment. If one of these organs (maybe the one between your ears) is holding you back, you're not likely to let the other team-mates play their best game.

    So, live your own life and let others live their own lives.





    i know there are a lot of you and i sure would be interested in hearing your story. i think we all would. care to share?

    thanks guys!

  38. Wow, pretty amazing comments! It's because of posts like this Scott that I've kept coming back. Im Catholic and raised the same way, same guilt, same internal struggle. I've come real close to getting married and living the way my family wants me too. But because of your blog, and commenters like anon at 11:52, that I've managed to except myself for who I am. In a way your like my big brother. Thanks man for all you've done, you will be missed. Wish I could give you a big hug.

    Ltr bro, Jake


    It is completely understandable and we all in some way have had to come to terms with our sexuality. I had years of guilt for same sex attraction but I know I am bi now and I accept it. I stumbled accross some websites, blogs and chatrooms and made friends with other guys i the same situation. I am so glad to have this outlet. Before the age of the internet my M2M was with friends and involved alchol and we never talked about it. I like having other men I can say to" hey this guy I saw at Wal-Mart had a real nice package"

    I wish that other people would just let everyone live and let live. I know that my activity with men has helped my sex life with my wife too

  40. I hope your curiosity has been satisfied. When I first stumbled on SJT I wondered if at some point you would be able to say, "been there, done that" and not, "OMG, what have I done?" Your willingness to share your journey has done wonders for many people, if only to answer their questions, "am I the only one, what's wrong with me?"

    When Jake is done with his hug, I'm next.

  41. I think it would be well to remember that our experiences are all our own. Just like sexuality and how we experience it is individual, so too how we deal with it is individual.  But trying to encourage a behavior based on your experience might not work for Scott.
    Attractions and urges for all can vary over time. The intensity of the desire does not remain constant. That's MY experience. Will it be Scott's? I honestly don't have a clue. Would I encourage Scott to start going wild (or not)based on MY experience? Hardly. I know people who CAN control the "urge". It's not irresistible as some would lead us to least not for them. Is that everyone's experience?Probably not, but would you tell Scott to risk his family? Do you really think Scott would be "happier" having all the man sex in the world..24/7 wild delightful, crazy....if it meant he would lose is family??? Really? Do you really believe that? If Scott was gay and needed an emotional connection to a man to be complete, that would be one thing. Scott's said over and over again he doesn't want or need a "relationship" with a man. Don't you believe him?
    When Scott is sick who do you think is going to go to his doctor's appointment with him? His wife or the guy at the vid booth? When is parents get old, is the guy he met on CL going to help him figure out what to do? When he has his first heart attack (god forbid) who do you think will be there for him? Plan is daughter's wedding? Take care of his sick kid?  Is that the trade off you expect him to make? 
    If you care about Scott, you will encourage him to do what HE feels is best for HIM. Even if that means being what YOU would consider "unauthentic". We all make choices based on own own life experience..our values..our background. How often do you have sex anyway? 24/7? Trying to make Scott a horse of a different color is not likely to work and is not in any way a guarantee that he will be happier. I would wager it is just the opposite.

  42. D, anonymous at 3:49 pm, you are so right Scott has always maintain that he could never and never wanted an emotional tie with another dude.. just some occasional man on man play...

    To DP, at 9:32 am, I have been with Scott's blogs from the beginning, always joked with him, and always gave him mostly positive feed back..

    I might have been harsh with Scott in my e-mail, at 11:17 Pm,Sept7, for that I apologize, but I will still remain in my stance I have been a loyal supporter of Scott's from the beginning, and always will be...

    To be honest reading that comment I am a little ashamed of myself.. I have to plead pure insanity in that e-mail...


  43. Come on guys.....if "who I am" is self- destructive, it is NOT healthy to succumb to it. There are lots of people who die from alcohol poisoning and leave family and friends in a wake of destruction because they thought that an alcoholic was who they were and there was no point in fighting it. There are MANY people who have given up alcohol and then built themselves good lives. Encouraging Scott to give into his temptations with the promise that he will be happier is an vapid promise that you cannot keep.

    I would love to skydive but I may never get the opportunity. There are many sexual things that Scott has tried but he is allowed to keep moving the line (I once did that). It is his life.

    I will miss you brother,

  44. LOOK AT ALL THESE RESPONSES SCOTTIE.... how can you give ALL THIS UP??.... but to answer this post... looks like I'm not alone... tried my damndest to go STR8 (dated... had a GF... fucked the gf... got engaged to said gf... all in an effort to DENY WHAT I KNEW I felt..... PLEASE DON'T STOP BLOGGING SCOTTIE we're out here and LISTENING COACH

  45. Oh God, this is too much.
    Scott, close it down.
    Rubgy, tape your fingers together.

  46. SJ,
    I understand. It's a big loss to those of you who have followed him from the beginning. I've only followed for about 6 months and I've come to like the goof ball. But Scott's gotta do what's best for him and his family.

    I will admit, though, as much as I hoped this would happen, deep down a part of me was secretly looking forward to the blog where he finally "did it"...His descriptions are so unintentionally hilarious, it would have been something to read ;-)

  47. Anon 12:27
    This is why I love this blog. I've been a reader since the beginning and correct me if I forgot but I think that was the first str8 curious post I've read!! Bravo!! May you get your wish someday!

    Now, where are all the dudes that are gonna harp on him for not jumping the fence and admitting that deep down gay has only been a stop on the way to straight town? Common..I'm waiting!

  48. Kleenex and Scott Tissue. I think thats what should be provided. It's a soap opera.
    Get a good book and go on with life without this nonsense.
    This blog should get an emmy or something for using people.

  49. Hey T 9:49 AM (and anyone who would like)

    Mark from Pittsburgh


  51. 6:54pm
    penis envy much?

  52. Really, Anonymous D at 349, and Anonymous at 504, you're making sexual orientation and alcoholism analagous? One is a disease that can be fatal if not treated and one is a state of being, jackass!
    No wonder gay, bi, curious people struggle with self acceptance if someone supposedly supportive makes such a comparison!
    Because of some of the choices Scott has made in his past, future choices are complicated and there is no guarantee of a happy ending, but giving into the internalized homophobia of believing same sex attraction is bad without some self examination could be very damaging.
    Mid 40's married with kids is not something to be trifled with or thrown aside lightly and I don't think anyone is suggesting that. But denying this aspect of who you are really isn't an option either. I agree some professional help to sort out your feelings and come to terms with some universal truths is a good idea and would recommend it highly. Find a gay supportive therapist and work on some of these things.

  53. Dear Scott

    I do not recall how I stumbled across your blog, but I am sure it involved my search for gay porn. I have always been attracted to men, but the Church, family, society said it was wrong and I followed societal norms and got married and have 2 great kids and I wife who I love. But the feelings I have for men just never goes away. In fact, it seems stronger than ever, (I am 48 years old). I have come to read your blog as my outlet for same sex attraction. Your postings, plus those of the other contibutors and your blog links have provided me understanding to my crazy mixed up thoughts.

    Please know that you are respected by the guys reading the blog. You have been so helpful. Thank you for honoring your family first, above all else. There is nothing more important than your family. Thank you for being my friend. I have written you several times and you always get right back to me.

    Here is what I have learned from my friend Scott.
    1. Honor your family. You made comitments and must keep them. Even if in the end your family is torn, you must still strive to keep the relationships.
    2.There are many men who share my attraction. I previously thought I was all alone.
    3. I am not deviant and not bound to hell. God made me as I am.
    4. I have learned tools to deal with the inner conflict of society and sexuality.

    Enjoy life!