Monday, September 19, 2011

One Last Controversy

Ok follow me on this.  We talked alot about how beers are like th great enabler for curiosus guys to have sex with other guys. Totally get that. But I been drunk ALOT with buddies and naked with em too. But I don't think I ever seriously considered having sex with them. So why's that. I think it has to do with shame. Ya I know you don't like hearing it but I think it's true. We don't want anyone knowing we got these feelings. Sure as hell not anyone we know and see all the time. Prob why curious guys look for out of town action on business trips. No man I'm not proud of this. But we grow up thinking it's wrong. It's a source of ridicule. It's anti social. All that shit. I never in this blog really talked about personal feelings. Just a lot of dick, ass, and fantasy. But when it gets down to it I think curious guys want to but are held back cuz of the shame if we got caught. I'm sure this makes gay guys go "we're not ashamed".  Ya man I know that and in a way I'm kinda envious of you. But it's not like I'm gonna tank my family cuz of these feelings I got. So that's a big reason why I don't like continue exploring arbitrarily.

20 comments:

  1. Scott,
    There is the feeling of shame on both sides of the aisle. I grew up hearing all the bad words associated with being or wanting to have sex with a guy. Fortunately, for the younger one's growing up today, a man to man relationship is more accepted.
    Here's another question you can ask your readers, what would you do if one of your kids came to you and said, Dad, I'm gay?
    Another for your bi readers. How would you feel if your wife just asked for a divorce. No reason, other than she wants to be on her own. More than 50 per cent of marriages end in divorce. You wouldn't have the feeling of shame, if your were divorced. Would you?
    Thanks.
    In closing and back to you again. I have tied one or two on with friends of mine and never thought of getting it on with them. I guess when one travels one is going for a good time. Then one goes home back to the normal routine.
    Take care Scott. You are in my thoughts.

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  2. Man i am gay and live in a small southern town.
    Haven't come out yet.Afraid of losing my job
    and my family.It is a very religious in the south
    and very little understanding.I thank u for ur
    blog. and readers.This a big escape for me.Hopefully I will be able to come out, but it is hard when u have a chance of losing everything thing.

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  3. Anon at 8:30 has it right. I don't think it is shame as much as it is the knowledge of what is on the line. If you play with a male friend who you see often, you risk your reputation, friendship, family and other relationships. You do (perhaps unconsciously) a cost/benefit analysis and the benefit of a fleeting orgasm is not worth the risk of the possible loss of your current life. There is also the fear of rejection if your friend does not want to play the same way. Male fear of rejection is legendary. Male shame less so.

    DP

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  4. Scott, 
     
    I have a friend. Lesbian woman. Very open, nonjudgmental, knows all kinds of alternative lifestyle folks. She received a package at her house in the suburbs where she lives with her partner. Opened the package without really looking at it like we've all done. Turns out the package belonged to the middle aged str8 male neighbor. It contained porn that had a mild bondage theme. AND she was doubly queasy to see the pics resembled another neighbor of theirs. It was very funny. She was REALLY skeeved about the whole thing. This from a woman who's gay male  friends would tell her about their wild sexcapades and who in her wilder days, had some herself. I think we're all guilty of doing it.
     
    My point is, no one is really comfortable being invited to speculate about a close associates private sex life. And if it came out you played or wanted to play with guys that would indeed make your sexual tastes open for discussion. That's human nature and a fact of life.  We don't think about it usually unless we have reason to know it deviates from what we personally do.
     
    D
     
     

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  5. Yo Scott!

    I get it, I was raised VERY Catholic and in the 70's (I'm just a little older than you) - I heard the messages. Homosexuality was called the "love that dare not speaks it name", it was illegal - you could go to jail for being gay (still true in some parts of the world). Some are still true in the US - be denied housing, fired from your job, excluded from your family, shunned at your Church. So I get the shame. As you and Anon 8:30 AM say.

    As someone who has overcome (for the most part) that shame and fear I get what you are saying. What I want to ask you to think about (and I know that is a real challenge for you) is what would you be doing if there wasn't the shame? If there wasn't the fear of losing your family (and maybe job, etc).

    That is the real challenge for all you bi-curious married folk. What are you really willing to give up to explore these feelings? You've said often enough that you don't want to lose your life with your wife and kids. If exploring you desire for sex with men will cost you that, you need to weigh how much you want that man sex and is it the driving force in your sexual make up. I can tell you loads of stories about friends who did the traditional married to a women thing and then realized that isn't what they wanted and changed their whole lives. I can also tell you stories of guys who (you should forgive the expression) who suck it up and keep those desires under wraps - usually with help internet porn and a quick trips to ABS.

    I hope this blog has helped you clarify that. I don't see it as a controversy. It is your reality. No one who reads your blog can walk in your jockstrap. I would tell you that it is okay to put the shame aside. That what you feel is okay, but only you can come to that place yourself.

    Mark from Pittsburgh
    (see I don't always have to be a smart ass)

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  6. Hate to say it but it seems that your family is already tanked.. Dishonesty in a relationship is never healthy, doesn't matter who you are fucking on the side... Sooner or later it will all come crumbling down...

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  7. It's because people go around preaching one thing, but then doing another. Look at all the fundamentalist Christian and Catholic (and other) clergy who preach to us, then get caught doing all kinds of shit. What it comes down to is that we all have needs and desires. It is human. We can be quiet about it or we can be very outgoing about it. Either way is fine. But we should not be judgemental of others.

    Oh and by the way, I would like to be on either side of that picture you posted today. That's my admission of animal needs for today.

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  8. Yesterday, I heard someone say, don't make love in public. They also said, make love in a darkened room with your eyes slightly opened.
    have a good one.

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  9. First of all I am NOT posing as Scott. But my situation is very similar to his. I'm gonna say this and you can disagree and that's ok, but I'm still gonna say it.

    Dudes need each other. We are caveman hunters. Our ancestors hunted and bled and sweat and jacked off and hugged and died together to survive. Our half-ape ancestors huddled their hairy bodies together at night to keep from freezing. It's in our blood. It's a special bond. It's not the same as the love between a man and a woman to create children and rear them. It's a different kind of love. It's brotherly love. We need it in addition to relationships with women. It's not an either/or kind of thing. It is not wrong for a guy to want to be close to other guys. It is not cheating. It's a need we have in our blood.

    There, now please feel free to disagree and I will respect that. At the same time, please respect married guys who want and need close dude friends.

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    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you; it's seems to be about tribal kinship and bonding. Trusting and proving your loyalty to those males close to you. It is about belonging, survival, protecting those around you, and giving women space to have the same thing with eachother. We must procreate, protect and provide, but we cannot force our "needs" on women. The "work" of caring for our infants needs (in a primal, tribal sense) to come before "our" needs. Maybe, sometimes, women need affection without sex, and men need sex without affection, because we are wired differently. Isn't it better to accept that, than to have men raping and conquering women; better us conquering our fears and insecurities about our needing eachother?

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  10. Anon 10:12
     
    You have a desire to be "close" to men sexually because you are BI-SEXUAL. If you don't want to "label" yourself, I can respect that. Every man may desire male bonding but not EVERY man wants to have sex with other men. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. I personally think it's kind of hot. BUT, it is still cheating when you are married to a woman and you are having sex with guys behind her back. To claim it is anything else is lying to yourself as well as your family.
    D

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  11. Anon @ 10:12AM.

    Thanks. I agree with you completely.

    -Tapper

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  12. I agree with you, too.
    Right now, I don't care what society thinks of me wanting a blow job now.
    Let it be done for mankind by a kind man. That's my outlook.
    bj.

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  13. Scott,
    Wow you hit the nail on the head, I totally agree and I am gay but still not out, only to a few, but thats how I started w/ guys, traveling out of town. Had some awesome times, great memories.
    Nate

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  14. I'd have to say I've never even CONTEMPLATED sex with a friend... Yeah, I've had a few jack-off sessions with a few buds, but never anything beyond that. Friends are friends; Friends with benefits are a different kind of friends.

    So, no, Scott, it's not any different than you've experienced, man. See? You're not as fucked up as you thought, eh?

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  15. Scott, your last sentence makes the most perfect sense. See us gay or bi guys that are not married, really have nothing to lose, but a married guy with these feelings has to be very discreet. I do get alot of curious straight dudes, mostly one on one, and they trust me and I am very discreet..

    BTW, great pic, love the dudes hariy pits, and his fat hairy nuts, nice "guns" too.. and from what I can see, looks like a nice thick cock (wow that dude is enjoy that feast)

    SJ

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  16. If your wife knows that you mess around with men, it does not mean the end of your marriage. It all depends on you, your wife and what you want out of life. As for your kids: you are their father. Whether you live with their mother, live on your own, or live with another guy makes no difference to the biological fact. My partner was married. Both his children have lived with us over the years and his grandaughter will be staying with us while at university.

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  17. Mark from Pittsburgh,

    What is ABS?

    DP

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  18. ABS= Adult Book Store

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